Apparently toddlers didn't used to have tantrums 😕?!?

[Notsogrimupnorth]

My Dd is 2 and is starting to throw daily tantrums. I have been coping relatively well (I think) right until my mother decided to throw a strop when Dd didn't want to go to her and threw a tantrum yesterday. When I tried to explain that tantrums are 2 are completely natural, she responded by telling me that children didn't used to have tantrums but our generation spoil our kids and that's why it happens. I decided not to respond by suggesting that if traumatising them and beating them into submission was her generation's approach then I would happily be accused of spoiling my kids (yes I am pissed off!) has anyone any suggestions how to deal with this constant criticism??? Ps am trying hard not to upset her as she is getting on a bit

According to my Mam none of us (3 kids) had tantrums either.

We also all slept through from 8 weeks

I just remind her about selective memory tell her she's bats hit crazy

should have said... well shame (insert age of mother) year olds do

I heard about the "terrible 2s" in the 1970s so I suspect awareness of this has been around a while!
Mind you my mil says that dp never had a tantrum.

I don't think I had tantrums I was too bloody scared of my mother, that's not the relationship I want with my child and yes tantrums are perfectly normal in a two year old though not in a grown woman
I'd just tell her times have changed and you're happy with how you parent YOUR child

Ha! My DM tried to maintain that we never had tantrums once, then her sister reminded her of the time I had a spectacular one when I was two at the beach with the whole extended family there!

i have heard a few of her friends calling tantrumming kids spoiled though, and when I say it's not generally that it's more of an emotional thing (plus my 2 year old tantrums when he's NOT getting what he wants, so the opposite of spoiled really) they just look blankly at me.

Your mum is absolutely right. I never once had to stick my now 30yo ds1 under my arm, kicking and screaming because I wouldn't let him play in a muddy puddle. Neither did I have to use similar techniques on ds2 when he staged sit-downs in the supermarket. Never, not once.

Humanity is de-evolving. I blame modern technology.

I have read on here comments like "sleep regression wasn't invented when my children were small" and other similar comments around sleep (which is the area I am touchy about more than tantrums ). Comments like that are clearly meant to imply that today's parebts mothers let's face it is what is meant have created the problems todays babies and toddlers cause/ have.

I am therefore reassured by the fact I look after women in their late 80s and 90 s who are happy to recount the sleep problems or tantrums of their children (a lot of those children now being grandparents in their 60 or even 70s now :o ). Often these women had 3, 4 or 5 children and will say how just one of them caught them by surprise with their non sleeping/ bed wetting or public tantrums and how in those days you didn't talk about it as people would think you were a bad mother. Which I think is actually all that has changed.

Of course some toddlers don't have public tantrums - of my 3 only 1 did - but the ones that don't have other pesky ways (and my one that did continued having them til he was a big for his age 6 year old, who lookedat least 8.. but by then they were when he was panicking about something that other kids took in their stride. He grew out of it but it highlighted how the tantrums are more about being out of control of their own environment than being spoilt IMO - being a toddler and young child must be hard if you're developing into a personality who likes to be in control of your life!)

God, the selective memory of the Grandmother. Apparently we never used our fingers to eat our food and the fact that my 6 year old sometimes picks up her food with her fingers is because I did BLW and DM just knew that would be the consequence of letting my 6 month old eat with her fingers. Clearly my Mum doesn't have enough happening in her life to store that one up for several years.

Thankfully because I was the oldest child I can remember my siblings having tantrums so I've not been subjected to that. She's actually reasonably sensitive to the kids freaking out.

But DB had to point out that the reason why we all 'STTN' was because they had an enormous house and no baby monitor so had no idea if we cried ourselves to sleep or not.

Another special one was the criticism of my SIL for letting her DD share a bedroom with her brothers (oldest brother is 8). Glossing over me sharing with my brother until I was 8.

The irony of your mother having a tantrum about your DC's tantrum is hilarious.

My mum swore blind that I slept through the night at 6 weeks because they had such a calm household. My dad told me that he used to deal with my many night wakings to shield my mum because she was working and was too tired.

She has calmed down today. I think she realised that she over stepped the mark yesterday. Also Dd has been gorgeous and cuddly with her today so no cause to complain whatsoever she also acknowledged that Dd has strong personality and knows her own mind.