Holiday dilemma...advice please

[UnbiasedHoliday]

I'll try to be as unbiased as possible

A dad asks to take children away with partner and family in October half term for big family holiday. He's taking them to X.

Mother agrees and books holiday with her partner for the same week in Y.

Mother doesn't inform father that they are going to Y.

Father then changes holiday to Y without knowing that mother and her partner will be there too the same week. They decided against X as not workable.

Y is expensive holiday abroad, all deposits are paid. Fathers party is 6 adults and children. Mothers party is just 2 adults one child.

On discovery that both will be at same holiday at the same time (although different flights and hotels) father asks if mother could change her holiday as awkward for them all to be there at the same time. Would be strange for children.

If mother changes holiday she will be changed fees roughly £200. Partner of mother doesn't want to change destinations as looking forward to going to Y.

WWYD?

DP is pissed off I would even consider changing holidays. Feels like I'm being pushed around by ex. I can see his point of view

He'd rather you were pushed around by him? Why would he be furious at you considering your children and yourself?

Because in his opinion ex has said jump and I've said how high

If the resorts are 5 miles apart I don't see the problem as you're very unlikely to bump into one another. DF is being totally unreasonable IMO. He was the one who changed his plans, not you, so he should be the one to change them now if he's bothered by you being nearby.

there is no right or wrong here and it is a non-issue. ExH changed his mind over destination - it's entirely reasonable that he did so.

OP booked a holiday and didn't tell exH about it. Ok, probably should have done but we still don't know whether ex booked holiday before or after OP.

if different resorts, different flights - it just doesn't matter, surely?

Do YOU think the DC will be bothered?

If not, then I wouldn't consider changing.

Because in his opinion ex has said jump and I've said how high

But you haven't, had you? So his opinion is wrong. Are none of the adults here thinking of the children, just themselves?

I don't really see where the kids come into it? They're going on a lovely holiday, I doubt they care which particular adult takes them or not.

DD 5 was the only one who asked if they could see us. I said no as we would be a few miles away and she would be with ex. She said ok I'll just shout down the beach to you!

But why should you change your holiday when you chose that first? It's up to him to change his holiday if he wants to be in a different place.

Only reason I can think they might be bothered is if they see it as "mum is here, down the road, but choosing not to spend time with us". Do you think they might feel that way? Personally I doubt it but I can't really tell as I don't know them!

Wow. Well if you don't think your children might be slightly bothered by having both their parents, who obviously don't get on, in the same holiday destination at the same time, but not to be allowed to see one of them, then fine.

Mine wouldn't enjoy the holiday much and neither would I. Your kids though, you choose.

Ah sorry just saw your post about DD5. Do you think she'd be upset when she realises she can't just "shout down the beach"? Would she or your other DC end up asking you to come and visit?

If you think that's a possibility then I would consider changing - not to please your ex, but so that you and your DP don't end up getting requests from your DC to come and join them.

My DC are use to having divorced parents. They don't think it strange to bump into us in town/shops etc and not to be able to go with the other parent. Possibly ex is concerned they would request to see us and take the shine off their holiday.

I wouldn't be seeing the DC that week anyway. To be honest it makes me feel better that they aren't half way around the world from me for a week!

If you weren't bothered about where you go then I would get ex to pay the fee (and any additional costs if other place a bit more etc) and change destination, but if you want to go there and nowhere else takes your fancy then you don't have to change, either he changes or you go to the same place. You have no problem with being at the same place so it's up to him to change if he has a problem