Hi I would like some feedback on if I am right or wrong and what I should do.
I was in a violent relationship (violence started the day after I went on maternity leave when I was eight and half months pregnant) but got as soon as I could safely.
Roll on a few years of intermittent visits by his father my DS was having problems at school, after a 3 year battle with school and it seemed like the world. He was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. At this stage he hadn't seen his father in over 2 years. But I had everything under control, he was flourishing at school and outside school in sports- BMXing, football and swimming and wining trophies. All was calm at home.
Then with the appearance of his father, whom was arrested on 3 occasions for threatening me and DS and his older brothers ( I have 3 older sons) his behaviour deteriorated so badly that eventually he was permanently excluded from school. It took 4 weeks to find another school that was suitable for him. Then another 2 weeks to fight to get the funding. I did sort it but had now been off work for 3months.
His deterioration of behaviour included attacking me with knives until I locked them away, smashing my phone, laptop,tv, washing machine glass door, his bedroom window, running away home, jumping out of the car whilst I was,driving and when I was in traffic, kicking my car dashboard breaking the indicators etc, trying to kick out the windscreen, ripping up his brothers A level work , another brother degree work, trying to hang himself from the banister with his duvet cover, self harming, pouring bleach on my face (when I had fell asleep from exhaustion). Police were constantly at the house.
The final straw came when he asked to see his dad ( this was the first tine, he had asked) and I said I would sort out a safe place with someone who could be with you, he boiled the kettle and demanded that if I didn't let him go that day he would pour the kettle over me. I could not get the kettle off him and spent an hour outside trying to talk him out of pouring the boiling water over me.
So I gave in and took him to see his dad.
His dad refuses to hand him back and he is refusing to come home. I am to frightened to get him back as I know the violence will continue from DS and also his father.
His brother's don't want him back as they say it peaceful without him and they have exams. They say I am safe without him and I look better. I gave returned to work after 3 months off.
I feel torn. A failure and just hopeless. My friends who some had seen him attack me. Say I should leave him with his father as that's where he wants to be .
He's 11.
What should I do.. Suggestions please. Sorry its long.v