...no I am not a bad speller, it's meant as a pun. Although I'm very far from feeling punny at the mo...
This is my very first post and am doing it more to clarify my thoughts and keep myself occupied for the next few hours. It's a doggy tale and involves that moment all dogs lovers dread.
This morning all was as usual in my two dog household, dogs and I were having our usual Saturday morning lounge in bed; son slumped around house noisily before heading off to work. I finally roused myself up and out of bed, let dogs out, flung some washing in the machine and after coffee dashed off for the weekly scramble around the supermarket.
Got back, more coffee and onto laptop to check emails, and mumsnet of course. Both dogs in their habitual position across my feet waiting to trip me up as soon as I stand. Then the older of the two tries to get up and falls over, immediately I can see something is seriously wrong - every time she tries to stand she falls over.
I immediately ring my vets, of course they're shut so their call system put me through to the emergency vets. I explain the situation, the voice at the end of the phone tells me where the emergency vets is located and informs me that there will be an upfront payment on £135 on top of any treatment fees.
At this point my son returns for his between shifts break, he helps me get the dog into the car and sits in the back with her as I race to the vets. Dog is very sick all over car and son on the way. Once we arrived the dog was examined thoroughly and blood taken. The vet could find nothing wrong from any of the tests but agreed my lovely, beautiful dog was gravely ill and extremely distressed...near death in fact. He discussed with me the options, further tests and ultrasound...at least £800 probably more and possibly no answers or prospect of improvement - and she could still die...or...well you know what the other option was...we could put her to sleep.
I am not wealthy, have very limited savings, but if the vet had given me hope I would have gone down the treatment option, he didn't, so with a breaking heart I agreed to having her put down. Son and I were sobbing at this point - as I am now as I type this.
I signed the paperwork with tears raining down onto the form. We both made the decision that we couldn't be there when the vet performed the procedure so he left us for a few minutes to say our goodbyes. And as all pet owners who have been in this position, we stroked her, told her we loved her, reminded her and ourselves of the great life she had had and exited the room. The staff were very kind, can't fault them and appreciated their understanding but I couldn't stay in the building, I paid the £310 bill and left.
Arriving home, desolate, I collected all of her belongings straight away knowing that leaving them lying around would just add to the heartache, sobbing as each item was bagged up. I then sent texts to all my friends to inform them of events, most of them are ardent pet lovers too and I knew I would appreciate their support.
Three hours later the vet rang. He hadn't put her to sleep straight away, and when he had finally come to do it he felt she had improved... a lot. He said that in 30 years of doing the job he had never had to make a call like this. I am in bits...They are going to monitor her for the next 5 or 6 hours, although they initially wanted me to bring her home to monitor her here - I said I couldn't go through seeing her suffering and having to make the heartbreaking decision of having her put down all over again. If she has improved enough for me to bring her home, how long will it be for? Will she suffer a relapse? So many questions, so few answers, I feel sick to my stomach, my head is all over the place, I don't know what to do, right at the moment - although I know it's bloody selfish of me - I don't want to be a grown up with decisions to make - I want someone to come along and make it all better.
WWYD