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Original poster

Stuck in a single room hostel with 9 1/2 month old and 32 weeks pregnant (upstairs no lift)

48 replies

Bailissa1994 · 26/04/2016 17:10

Hi there,

I'm looking for some advice in all of this as I'm at my wits end completely.

I had to move out of my parents home as me and my other half are expecting our second baby, and already have a 9 and a half month old little girl (fast work I know)
We were looking at going for a private rent property originally, but in the borough I'm in, it would leave me and my OH with very little money at the end of the month for bills, shopping etc (impossible to stretch it as far as it would need to go, even if I am savvy when it comes to shopping and making food go far)

I had no choice but to leave my mums home, due to overcrowding and had to move into an emergency housing hostel with my little girl (they wouldn't have her dad come with us, as he was registered as living with his parents in a different borough altogether).

They have put me on the first floor in there with no lift to get upstairs. since being there I have asked to be moved downstairs as carrying the equivalent of 27kg up and downstairs isn't easy work being heavily pregnant, and I'm in a tiny room (no exaggerating, I have a bed, fridge and my daughters travel cot, with absolutely no room for anything else, leaving me unable to prepare for my son who is due in 8 weeks)
I have asked over and over about having a room downstairs as the laundry room and kitchen is downstairs, and it's too much hard work to take everything downstairs and back up again. I'm living off fridge food for dinners (sandwiches, sausage rolls, salads etc) and am giving my daughter jarred dinners (which I absolutely hate the idea of) and asking friends to help with washing as it means I can just take tiny amounts as I need it...

I just want some advice as to where I can go to get something done as I'm hearing nothing from the council, my case worker is NEVER in which means nothing is being done on my case and if I have my son whilst I'm still there, I have no idea where he is going to sleep, where his stuff is going to go, or how I'll get both children upstairs...

If someone could point me in the right direction I would be profusely greatful!!!

I have attached some pics for you to see I'm not making up about the lack of space!

Stuck in a single room hostel with 9 1/2 month old and 32 weeks pregnant (upstairs no lift)

OP posts:

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 27/04/2016 21:22

Unless that's how they are claiming.... Op isn't a lone parent tho so can't be claiming separately

VimFuego101 · 27/04/2016 21:29

What is your OH doing in all of this? I understand he can't stay at the hostel with you but I would expect him to at least come and take your laundry and do it at his house.

Would a sling help with the baby so you could just strap her to your chest if you need to go up and downstairs so you have your hands free?

AppleAndBlackberry · 27/04/2016 21:41

That sounds really hard OP. If you're literally faced with having to give birth in your room alone please call an ambulance. Hopefully it won't be forever but you could probably put a Moses basket next to you on the double bed if you don't get moved before the baby arrives. Do you have somewhere you can go during the day? Children's centre or similar? I can't help with the housing question but I wish you well. It looks like a really hard situation.

Interested in this thread?

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Diamogs · 27/04/2016 22:16

Good point Vim - OP your OH should be taking some of the strain off you.

fastdaytears · 27/04/2016 22:20

So why can't you go to your DP's parents' house? What is he doing to help?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 27/04/2016 22:21

As you're saying that there's staff at the hostel who will report you if you leave your baby alone to get the buggy, why don't you ask them to help?

If they're going to report you for the 5mins it would take to bring your buggy upstairs, then they could help you carry the buggy instead.

Get onto your local counsellor and hopefully you won't be there long.

I second Moses basket on the bed for the baby. Can your OH visit you? If so he could stay in the room with the kids while you do the washing or cook (or the other way around). Could you spend some time back with your parents for dinner?

PeppasNanna · 27/04/2016 22:24

Op can claim as a single parent as her & her dp are not living together.

Such snotty replies on this thread

I really hope things get better as soon as possible Op. Take care of yourself & your babies.

TheMightyMing · 27/04/2016 22:29

I have no experience of any of this, but it's not much fun living like this. Though I'm sure people are loving in worse situations, it's not much comfort to the OP. I hope things get better for you soon.

chillycurtains · 27/04/2016 22:33

Have you tried your HV or midwife for help? They liaise with social services and housing so could be that extra push that is needed to get suitable accommodation. The HV would probably be due to visit you anyway so close to your due date so might just visit early if you asked.

Bambooshoots14 · 27/04/2016 22:40

Can you put the cot in the bathroom? We did that in our old house when ds outgrew the Moses basket and the ensuiye was closer than his bedroom

Atenco · 27/04/2016 22:54

Is there anywhere downstairs you could leave the pushchair or, failing that, could you possibly buy one of those basic light pushchairs that fold up like an umbrella? That is what we use for my dgd as we live up four flights of stairs.

AntiHop · 27/04/2016 23:15

I really hope your housing situation improves soon.

I have to walk up 4 flights of stairs to my flat. There's no lift and no where to leave a pushchair downstairs. I rarely used a pushchair at all until dd was about 14 months. I used a sling. Now I use a very light umbrella fold mclaren. I can carry that and dd up the stairs at the same time.

Lalalili · 27/04/2016 23:25

OP it's difficult to see from the photo, but could you turn the travel cot end on to the bed and fit another travel cot next to it (also end on)? Make sure that the hostel fits a window lock as soon as dd can stand and climb. I second the sling and cheap umbrella buggy suggestion. I think that I've seen double decker cots somewhere? Personally, I would be worried about knocking the Moses basket over in the night if it was next to me on the bed. So would maybe put dd next to me on the bed with a bedguard (even if she sleeps on inside edge) and put ds in the cot.

It sounds like a tough situation. One day you will look back on this and be incredibly proud at how you got through it. You are making the best of it and are aware of your kids' needs. Don't feel bad about your new son not having much. For the next few months you will have a less mobile baby and a newborn and, although it's not ideal, if necessary you can care for them with what you have now. By the time they need space to run around you will hopefully be living somewhere else. You are doing a great job.

TheMightyMing · 28/04/2016 08:46

Lala what a lovely post.

Ouriana · 28/04/2016 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 28/04/2016 08:57

Being in homeless accomadation is the pits I was in a homeless flat 20odd years ago the laundry room was 3 buildings away and you had to negociate stairs and drunks just to wash your clothes you had to keep the curtains closed all the time as you never felt safe with your baby it was horrible if there is no other room there is no other room which is a shame I hope you get a house soon are you entitled to housing benefit ?

MrsJayy · 28/04/2016 09:00

Have you been in touch with your health visitor or social services ? You really need to be camping on the housing departments door step go everyday

Daisyandbabies · 28/04/2016 16:20

Oh my gosh, you are amazing being able to deal with that!! Do you live in London? I can't imagine this happening...I live in the north and you would be getting a house very quickly and for £400 a month, it would be a 2 bedroom house. Would you not consider moving to a different area?? You don't want to be cringing every time the newborn cries, you will end up getting extremely stressed. Plus, you need the help of your partner. Really feel for you :(
I would be moving to a different area asap and in the mean time, co sleep with your 9 month old and leave the pram downstairs.

Peppaismyhomegirl · 28/04/2016 16:24

I would stick it out, it's not ideal, but in the long run will be security for your family in a council house.
In the mean time, look for an alternative with the stairs. A sling?! I'd get a smaller stroller type le that is lighter?!

Peppaismyhomegirl · 28/04/2016 16:27

Also, in your situation, I went onto housing benefit and private rented, have you checked that out? My local job center were amazing at helping me decipher my entitlements and really helped me through a rough patch

Artandco · 28/04/2016 16:39

A few things to make easier:

swap prams. That one looks huge and heavy
get sling. A decent soft structure carrier like boba 4g/ ergo/ similar. Can use from newborns to toddler so can use with elder one on back when needed and newborn in front. Easiet way with new baby also as then baby in sling and 1 year old in smaller pram
co sleep with new baby. You can read online how to do safely. Or get a Moses basket on one side of the double bed if you prefer.
co sleep with current child. Can then get rid of travel cot and save space
partner to help. Surely the hostel only needs to be for sleeping really for now. He can cook at his house and bring to you. He can collect laundry every few days and wash and return dry.
go out everyday. Baby can crawl and play outside on grass, at playgroups etc
can you relocate? If you both have no work or home where you are you could be much better off living somewhere cheaper

FilthyRascal · 28/04/2016 16:54

Seconding looking at housing benefit - you can go on the local council website to see what your lha rate is (the amount they will pay per month) then look at properties that cost that much and see if any will accept housing benefit. I expect you will find one that will if what you're looking for is just somewhere better than you have now.
does your dp work? If he does you will be even more likely to find somewhere.

Call your hv see if she can help, also ring the council every single day if you need to.
It looks really really hard make sure dp is pulling his weight. Cooking meals to bring, doing your washing etc.

Squiff85 · 28/04/2016 21:47

I don't have much to add, but just to say I hope your situation improves soon, it can't be easy xxx

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