MIL

[wannabehippyandcrazycatlover]

I have a really difficult MIL and she has done various things in the past to make anyone want to not talk to her again punch her in the face. I think she is a classic narcissist and I feel has emotionally abused my DP and his family but they minimise this constantly. Well, I say minimise, they complain about her constantly but then bow down to her face, which I feel is enabling her grandiose and quite frankly appalling behaviour.--

My DC is 5 months old and I'm now wary to have her babysit and this is causing issues with my DP. I refused to see her on my own anymore due to her behaviour and we agreed we would see her twice a week for an hour each time so she could see our DC but she is pushing for us to leave DC with her for the day and/or overnight.

My DP goes on about how much she loves DC and she would never behave how she did when he was a child to our DC. She says she loves her, but she surely loved her own children and then emotionally abused them when they didn't live up to her expectations. They all tell me to lie to her about things as she will never change but then expect me to leave my child with her?

WWYD in this situation as I really don't want to upset DP but I also don't want to leave my DC with her?

You need your DP to man up and have a word with her. If she's been emotionally abusive or even if you just don't feel comfortable don't leave your child with her. You're the mum and you know best.

You don't have to please anyone, you may have to piss then off a bit. You do have to protect your child and feel happy with those caring for them. Time to "mummy up". X

But always bear in mind the possibility that you might be wrong. Other people's family dynamics can be very different without being pathological or abusive......If everyone diagnosed as a narcissist on Mumsnet really was one life would be very difficult indeed!

If you have any doubts, please do not leave your DC with your MiL. Trust your mother's instincts.

Emotionally abusive people never change. They are sly and underhand. If you leave your child with her, you will never know what she says or does. They are experts at manipulation

Stand firm for your child's sake.

I wouldn't do it at this stage. Could you maybe have a day out with her all together to see how things go?

I do know how you feel. We are NC with my abusive in laws but have already had numerous conversations about levels of access we would allow them to have to DC if we did begin contact again. I've made it very clear to DH that I'm not comfortable with the idea of MIL being alone with DC for any length of time, which he accepts.