Should I contact my dead friend's mum?

[dakin1]

My best friend tragically died in a car accident when we were teenagers almost 20 years ago. Before she died I used to spend a lot of time round her house and knew her mum pretty well, she is a lovely lady. Since my friend died I have lost touch with her family but my Aunty is still good friends with her mum so I could easily get in touch.

When I was at my parents house recently I found a box full of old photographs of me and my friend as well as letters she had written me. Some of the pictures are really lovely and her mum won't have ever seen them.

Would it be weird of me to contact her mum and offer to show her the pictures? I would also like to tell her mum how much she meant to me as a friend and how I still think of her often.

I have a DD myself now and can appreciate how horrific it must have been for her mum to lose her daughter. On the other hand I don't want to cause her grief and upset. Perhaps seeing me as an adult with a baby of my own will just remind of of everything she has lost?

WWYD?

my friend who lost her cd said to me that the worst thing is that people never speak about him, for whatever reason (guessing avoiding exposing a mother to grief) when she wants to talk about him. She may have lost her cd more recently but why would that feeling ever go away? your friends mum is in all likelihood still thinking about what could have been? 20 years is a lifetime to us yet I expect she'd still love the opportunity to talk about her dd, 😀 I'd go for it but if you are concerned I'd speak with you aunt.

Tell her all about her DD and the things you did, how she made you laugh, how much you miss her, what a wonderful person she was. If you remember her ever saying anything nice about her mum, repeat it.

Thank you MrsDeVere! It seems so obvious when you say it, of course she will want to hear lovely memories of her daughter. My friend did think the world of her mum so I will say that too.

That is so sweet of you.. Just visit her and show her your love.

Op I could have written your thread. My best friend died in a car accident 20 years ago, I've recently found her mum on fb and have been wondering whether to contact her. My friend and I were inseparable and I have some lovely photos of her. I live abroad currently but think I might get in touch when I go home. I have 2 boys now so she might like to meet them too I hope.

Definitely do this in person - not by letter - it is too impersonal.

It will bring some joy and delight to her. Have copies made ready.

Oh Fedup it sounds as though we should definitely go ahead and get in touch. I hope your friend's mum is happy to hear from you.

I hope so too. I can remember the day she died like it was yesterday, and her funeral too. Her mum was beyond devestated and she still puts a little note in the paper every year. It would be nice if I could show her some photos etc she still hasn't seen.

I think it would be a lovely thing to do, I'm sure it will make her mum happy to know that you still think of her daughter.

She would love to see those pictures, anything that relates her to her daughter, your visit might bring tears in her eyes, but warm her heart as she will feel closer to her daughter through her friend. Will bring back happy memories to her. Highly recommend the visit and sharing all the beautiful memories.