Feel like I have to leave my job

[TeaPleaseTa]

I have namechanged but please if anyone recognises me don't say anything on here.

I work for the NHS and over the past couple of years colleagues have left due to the pressure and either not been replaced or been replaced by more inexperienced people who need training on the job. This has meant more work for those of us still here (eg my list has more than doubled), plus we have had to train everyone up withing our usual work hours...I am aware that working life changes and everyone is feeling the pressure at the moment, especially in the public sector.

Basically about 6 years ago I had clinical depression, had to be off work and on tablets and get counselling. Before Christmas I got very ill physically and my stress levels went throught the roof and I ended up sobbing in a heap on the floor and the GP put me back on anti-depressants.

Work has since got worse rather than better. Another colleague has left the team and management want to alter my contract to include tasks I never signed-up for, as frankly they need someone to do it.

There is no leeway, no time and if I was well, it might be a challenge but I feel like I'm spinning plates and getting nothing done well. I tell myself everyday I won't cry at work and I get home angry that they made me cry again. I am so tired and weak and not myself. Today Saturday I slept til lunchtime thanks to my DH and three hours later fell asleep again. So it's eating into my time off.

I want to just leave but we need my income. I don't feel well enough to sell myself at an interview and start a new job all systems firing, excited and keen. I want to crawl under the duvet and never go back. My GP would sign me off as she is already concerned about me but I can't have more sick-leave on my record. Something is going to snap and indeed colleagues have noticed I am struggling to maintain professionalism in meetings as I am so ground down and sad and tired.

I am tempted to tell DH, who lives by 'we all go out to work til we retire, that's life' that I am just going to quit, sleep for a month then do some volunteer work while I find a job. But he already thinks I'm lazy and doesn't really get how my brain affects my energy levels.

I will stop the essay now. Sorry for rambling.

TeaPleaseTa, your situation sounds horrible! I was in a similar situation re workload and stress, but at least my employer recognised the problem - I was getting rather ratty and frantic etc and then got seriously ill to the tone of always fatigued, inability to eat, drastic weight loss etc. They got me a side kick and coaching to learn resilience. Though working for the NHS that's probably never going to happen...

And your husband thinks you're lazy??? Maybe he should try working in a hostile environment for a while to see how tired he gets? Men...

My GP would sign me off as she is already concerned about me but I can't have more sick-leave on my record. Something is going to snap and indeed colleagues have noticed I am struggling to maintain professionalism in meetings as I am so ground down and sad and tired.

To be honest, OP, you cannot continue - partly for your own health and sanity but also because you're not coping at work and your colleagues are picking up on this.

As an immediate step, get yourself signed off work to catch up on sleep and catch your breath.

You mention you can't have any more sick leave on your record, but it sounds like you can't keep going. As a first step, get signed off. Try and stop the downwards spiral work seem to have out you in. After a break is the time to think about major decisions, not when your as near to breaking point as you sound at the moment.
If you left, how easy is it to find work in your field? Is a job likely to come up before any savings run out? Also, consider what you would say to "reasons for leaving last job".

I desperately want to take time, feel better then consider their proposal but it was shown to me on Friday and they want to know before Wednesday (this is so they can present the new job description to a meeting as the ongoing role for people on my salary). I would like to speak to the Union and HR and can't think when am going to fit it in.

DH has read through the old and new job descriptions today and pointed out lots of woolly areas which need clarifying. But overall he's of the opinion that times change and they're being pressured from above to justify my salary so I have to accept it.

It's a niche role which is why I'm the only person this affects. I can't think straight about little things atm, never mind big things like this.

Being signed-off would also affect other areas of life that I can't go into here, not dripfeeding, just need to stay anonymous. The GP would have to put it on a form, basically, and I need that form to look good. So my head says go off work but I just can't.

Op, you have to take time off before you completely implode- I ended up literally unable to function at all when I was in a similar situation. My brain just wouldn't function at all.
DH was little help (similar attitude as yours), he doesn't 'do' stress.
I had to have 5 months off, and then took a lower pay role.
I learnt my lesson the hard way, please don't do this too.

I left the NHS for very similar reasons 18 months ago and have never looked back. I now do a mixture of working privately which I find much more rewarding, and helping my husband run his business. When work starts to affect your health it's time to get out. The NHS isn't going to get better. Put yourself first X