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Complicated - possibly upsetting/triggering

32 replies

Canshopwillshop · 22/12/2015 19:50

Really need advice. Just had a txt from my cousin to give me the 'sad' news that my Uncle died today. Far from being sad, this is a day I have fantasised about for the last 40 years because my uncle sexually abused me between the ages of 5 and 8. Sadly, and what hurts me even more, is that he outlived my mum, dad and sister. My late sister said when we lost our dad 3 years ago and I ranted to her about how unfair it was that Uncle paedo was still alive, that the fucker was hanging on by his fingernails as he knew what was waiting for him on the other side. A year later I lost her too. Paedo managed to make it to 99!

I feel such a mix of emotions that I just have to write it down. I just want to be able to talk to my sister about it and ask her what I should do. None of the rest of the family know what he did and now I don't know how to react or what to say. The cousin who texted has said he will let me know the arrangements but obviously I'm not going to go to the bloody funeral! This cousin is really close to paedo's sons (more cousins) and his own father was really good friends with paedo and has no clue.

What the hell would you do?

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Canshopwillshop · 30/12/2015 20:55

Thanks Hissy. X

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Canshopwillshop · 30/12/2015 22:08

Sorry Hissy - I missed your last post somehow. Yes, I'm married and he knows (but he's a bit useless in this kind of situation to be honest). I've also told a few close friends so I do have people to talk to irl it's just that it obviously hasn't been a great time to do so over the last week so this thread has been my outlet and you my lovely have been brilliant.

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tb · 05/01/2016 16:43

OP - I really feel for you. I was in the same position regarding a relative who procured me to be abused by her friends.

I sent flowers with the text "By their deeds ye shall know them". She lived to 96 - don't know if St Peter was scared to meet her, or if he hadn't finished the charge sheet. As a friend said to me "TB, I bet she doesn't need central heating where she is now".

Blush it was my not so 'd'm - and I was asked not to go to the funeral.

Hissy · 05/01/2016 19:06

How are things? How are you doing?

Canshopwillshop · 07/01/2016 13:46

tb - thanks and I'm sorry you went through this. I truly think the evil buggers held on so long because they knew what was waiting for them down there! I like the wording of your text.

Hissy - thanks for thinking of me. I am fine thanks and feeling quite positive. I got a reply from my cousin (paedo's son) saying thanks for my good wishes they are really appreciated (!). The funeral is on Monday.

Now that he is gone I somehow feel freer and spurred on to make contact with some of the nicer extended family. In fact my mum's brother rang out of the blue last weekend (he's not going to the funeral either but for health reasons) and it was so lovely to hear from him. We are going to meet up soon Smile.

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tiggerkid · 07/01/2016 22:10

Go to the funeral, spit on his grave and gave a little dance when everyone is gone. Might he therapeutic after all these years.

Canshopwillshop · 08/01/2016 22:51

Tiggerkid, i agree that the spitting and dancing on his grave would be therapeutic but I could not sit through the funeral pretending to show my respects.

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