In laws at Christmas

[mrsm1984]

Basically I don't have a great relationship with my in-laws (long story). A couple of months ago, my husband and I had our 2nd DC and we received no card etc from DH's brother & sister. A couple of weeks later was DC1's 3rd birthday, and again, no card etc from either.

A few weeks after, a letter turns up for our newborn DC2 from DH's sister with a t-shirt (with £5 tag on) and card. Without being ungrateful, it wasn't something I'd ever put a baby in (and I'm pretty sure DH's sister wouldn't either!).

We've done presents for all their kids this year (and always have), so I felt a bit miffed about our DC's getting nothing. I mean, I don't think it's too much to put a card in the post - we always did years before DC1 was born.

Anyway, my MIL is coming down before Christmas to see the DCs, but has now asked my DH to take the DC's over to them (they live a couple of hours away) over Christmas so that DC2 can meet DH's siblings and their kids.

I just think that it's a bit much to expect us to drag our kids down the motorway to see a bunch of people who think so little of them that they can't be arsed to send a card. I'm not particularly upset about it, I just don't think it's up to us to make any effort.

Is this being a bit sensitive? How do I put this across without sounding like I am upset about it... it just irks me that DH's PIL are always banging on about 'family'!

Does your DH want to make the trip? If so, I suppose you have to view it as a chance for the siblings to realise how great your kids are and see that they were being twats. It may turn things round and kick off a better relationship in the future.

They did send to the baby though, just not quickly and not something you liked? Did they ever send for birthdays?

I'd go.
Some people are card / prezzie people, some aren't.
My dh's brother never gets round to sorting cards and prezzies, but we make sure we get together a couple or 3 times a year so the dc can all grow up knowing their cousins.

He's a nice bloke - just not very organised.

You'd be very churlish to stop all relations with your dh's brother and his dns because a card didn't arrive within your time frame

I don't send Christmas cards to siblings, it's just something we've never done. It's not fair not to go because you didn't get a card and you didn't like a present they sent!

I don't know what you decided in the end but I wouldn't feel bad about not visiting in general as long as you are clear that this is what you want. My MIL, 2 SILs and BIL never send any gifts to my son. Never call. No emails and no cards. I did my bit before but have recently given up. This Xmas we didn't even go to see my MIL. We pretended we were on holiday and enjoyed our own Xmas instead. Yes, people might judge me but why should I visit a woman, who doesn't care either about my only son or her own son? We only have one life. If you feel you tried everything with them and they don't extend the courtesy of doing the same with you, I personally wouldn't bother.