Do i NEED to put my child into nursery?? is it compulsory?

[mrsjoker35]

I've not even HAD my baby yet ,due date is tomorrow. But people have been speaking to me about nursery already, and I'm not sure why..

Ok so i dont plan on working until my child is old enough to be in school(my partner works, and is on his way on becoming manager) ,then i can work whilst their in school and then i can bring in my share ,i really dont want to miss out on precious years with my child to be honest..
But yeah, do i NEED to put my child into nursery?
My plans where to ,once my babies room is sorted ,kit it out with a white board, books,paints ,toys, flash cards etc etc, and turn it into my own wee nursery and teach my child all the basics before I send them off to school :') i could cover the educational part,but obviously its the other child, interaction i would need to figure out, and i thought, playgroups... I would much rather watch on a few days a week while my child interacted with other kids other than dropping my kid off all day, while i sit on my ass and let other people teach my kid stuff ,then go get off my ass just to pick them up ....
Like is there any kind of "must" that you should put your child in nursery because i feel as if i dont need day care for my child i can care for my child lol...
Everyone seems to be just throwing the nursery thing in my face as if is compulsory or something... And those are the people who just put their kid into nursery for like 3-4 hours then go collect them like whats the point in that??

You don't have to send them to school at 5. They do have to receive and education from 5 but that doesn't have to be at school.

Aww thank you AndNowItsSeven
So sweet !!

Im not fueling your fire

There's two definitions of nursery conflicting here which probably isn't helping. One is 'generic childcare provider catering from babyhood to school age, all weeks a year, typically 8-6'. My son has been in one of these since 9 months old as both of his parents work.

There is a bigger range of organised group (ie non childminder) childcare which might include things called 'pre schools' or 'nursery school' or 'kindergarten' and typically are shorter days than the first category. Around here, many of the second category are fewer than 52 weeks a year, and do one or two sessions a day typically during school hours (or close) e.g. 8.30-3.30. They seem to take children from about the age of 2 but predominantly made up of 3 and 4 year olds.

Many - but not all - of both providers will use the 15 hours a week childcare provision.

Op, I think some of my anti feelings came from what I thought nursery was, the one my dd was preschool rather than nursery and was really just a load of kids playing, getting messy and having fun for a couple of hours. It was a bit like a toddler group that I didn't have to go to and believe me once you have done a couple of years of toddler groups you will be glad to give them a miss

The 15 hours is the universal allowance, whether you work or not.
There really won't be much 'teaching' in a nursery - it's all play based, but some might do 'mini-lessons' for those about to go to school.

It's about being in a group, being away from family, learning to play with as well as alongside others, practising taking turns, learning a bit of school-useful co-operation (like sitting on a mat in a group to listen to a story), going to the loo with increasing independence etc.

You can replicate that in other groups, with friends or with family. Nursery isn't compulsory. But it's a useful and safe place for the transition between home and school (if you want to use a school in the compulsory education years).

A child needs to have some sort of education from the age of 5 it is a legal requirement whether you decide to send your child to school or home educate. my understanding is children have 15 free hours at nursery from age of 3. My son started nursery in September at the age of 3 for 15 hours a week prior to this he was never in any sort of childcare (both our jobs provide lots of flexibility in terms of hours shifts etc) he has benefiting a huge amount from nursery learning to take turns direction etc. My only advice would be work part time if you can- working part time has kept me sane! Also in case of job loss good to have another job to keep up with mortgage bills etc hope that helps x

Wouldn't worry much about flashcards and a whiteboard. Good if they can write their name and count to ten when they start school. Everything else is a bonus.

It is more important that they start school ready to listen to the teacher, sit still for a few minutes, share with others and dress/undress independently. Some sort of playgroup/preschool setting will help with this.

If you are planning to send your dc to school then it is good preparation. Toddler groups are great but you are still there to run to if there is a problem and you will find that they start to empty of eers in the year or two before school so your dc ends up being the oldest by far and is either bored or disrupts the younger ones. You might also decide to have another dc and you might like some baby time with them too. Some places are happy for an extra volunteer too although mine quite liked it to be their space.

peers not eers

Ds1 and ds2 had some time in nursery, because I was working, but I wasn't working full time (I did 25 hours over 2.5 days) so they only did 2.5 days in nursery. When ds3 came along, I would have been working for free (my take-home pay would just have covered my nursery costs - with maybe £1 left over, to treat myself), so I stopped working.

From then on, the boys each did 2 sessions a week of play group, and the rest of the time at home - and for me, that was a good balance. They got to spend time socialising with other children (as an early poster says, you can be a good parent and a good tether but you can't be 15 3-year olds!), and they got to do activities that I found hard to do at home - art and craft stuff, mainly.

I did try to do art and craft stuff at home, but I found I would spend ages setting it up for them, then they'd paint or glue for 23 nano-seconds, get bored and wander off, leaving me with all the clearing up. So the fact that playgroup would do it, made me and the dses happy.

I would much rather watch on a few days a week while my child interacted with other kids other than dropping my kid off all day, while i sit on my ass and let other people teach my kid stuff ,then go get off my ass just to pick them up ....

I think this ^ statement is why you got a few responses OP.

Like PPs have said, you may well feel differently once the baby is here.

I wasn't intending on going back to work after having DS mainly because we would be paying my wages on childcare and I hate my job

But after a year I was back at work! Just for my own sanity really and a bit of extra cash. I only work 2 days a week and they are DP's days off, so DS isn't in nursery at the moment.

But we are considering putting him in nursery 1 or 2 days a week mainly so we can have a day off together and also so I can have a bit more time to myself and to get stuff done around the house. There won't be much 'ass sitting' involved - as you'll probably find when your baby is here

A friend of mine was dead against nursery for her pfb.. She actually said once that she didn't trust nurseries to look after her DD properly. Fast forward 2 years and her DD is in nursery 3 days a week.

Just see how you feel when the time comes.

Are you married? Because I wouldn't recommend planning to become financially dependant on someone you're not married to. Also, fitting work around school is much harder than around nursery. And after having a 5 year break you may not find it easy to return to work.

The other reason that people may be talking about it before your baby is born is that there can be long waiting lists for good nurseries. You may decide when your DC is 1, or 18 months or 2, that you want to do nursery but can't get a place.

My experience of nursery was amazing. DD grew so much in confidence, she made good friends and transitioned very smoothly to school.

People might be wondering about your plans particularly if you live in one of those areas where you have to put your DCs name down for a nursery spot before they are even born.

Nursery is a good practise for school and gets them into good habits early. My friend is a primary teacher and says you can tell which children have never experienced a nursery setting. It's up to you, though, but children can be very annoying and you'll probably welcome a few hours of free childcare.

I , as a child hated being away from my mum the first year of school and i was in nursery before school

It's worth being very mindful about the potential negative impact of projecting your own feelings from/about your childhood onto your children.

So easy to be the perfect parent before one actually has children. I hope the shock of having a real life child instead of the imaginary one doesn't hurt too much, op it will though

I used to be like you...now I'm counting the days till next September when she qualifies for free hours. I imagine the idyll could happen with some children but if you get a live wire they crave constant and diverse interactions. A couple of hours twice a week at baby groups showed me that even with the best will in the world, she needs more than me baking and some light hot housing. She loves being with other kids and spreading her wings away from me.

You post this OP:

I would much rather watch on a few days a week while my child interacted with other kids other than dropping my kid off all day, while i sit on my ass and let other people teach my kid stuff ,then go get off my ass just to pick them up ....

and then accuse others of being insulting??

Not the best attitude to approach parenting with, OP.

Awesome

This thread will give you a great laugh 3 years down the line

Wait, OP you're not the same OP who was having a thing with her sister in law's brother (or something like that) who happened to have a girlfriend and a very young baby? The posting style is similar, especially the space after the comma...

Dear Mrs Joker,
This post is from 2015 so now your little angel must be 8 years old ♡
He/she is really lucky to have a mum unwilling to take them to nursery. I have two kids and COMPLETELY understand your mindset and admire your willingness to get ready and pre-homeschool your child. I think absolutely same as you do and hope you followed your instinct and didnot take LO there.
Those who look for that time for 'themselves' through nursery seem the ones being selfish, not you. And again, I have two kids I'm raising. I wonder if nursery is thought to be so good by those leaving angry coments if they would take their kids there if they had to pay and invest on it? I bet most wouldn't.
In my case I had decided not to take our son to nursery before he had even been born too because I grew daughter of a mum raised at boarding school with lots of traumas and sadness in her life who always asked me not to leave my children in such places. Son grew to age three, and as many mums pointed out I realised he needed more play and interaction than the one I was already providing so I bent into the nursery zone but yesterday we returned from our first settling day and what an awful impression I got!
First of all your child is NOT GOING TO LEARN, the only thing these key workers do is open and close the doors, all children were alone, like chickens left out of their shelter, picking stuff here and there without even supervision. The worst points of claim were a kind of water play part were kids were filling up containers they could very well drink from and get a gastroenteritis and the outdoors garden, were kids were being let out on even though it was raining.
Second your child is not going to necessarily feel happier, all of kids I saw yesterday were actually sad or crying, I didn't hear any laughing or feeling joyful except for mine cause it was first day and I was there.
So to all those mummy's wondering what to do, yes, if you are happy to neglect your child for three hours then go for it, that is all you achieve at nursery. For those not working and looking for playgroups and alternatives: Bravo!!!!

P.S. Anyway what's the point on having a child then want to get rid of him/her? Love is about that, going through the pretty going through the ugly altogether. Like having a partner and wanting to go to cinema alone, nonsense. Nurseries were created when women were introduced to the market place, it never existed before and societies thrived. Nowadays there's more depression than ever berore and no wonder! If even who's supposed to love our kids the most cannot wait to leave them anywere accepted by society!
I'm not taking my child back. He's got time to be by his own. No one to learn and grow with at that age like mum, dad and siblings. Playgroups, days at the park, make more sense to me

I completely understand this. If I didn’t work i would have loved to be a stay at home mum. It’s hard to let them go and i think if you had anxiety about being away from your mother sometimes we project this onto our own children.

I wouldn’t bother putting them in nursery if you don’t have to until they are 3. Then you could send them to a preschool attached to the school or a nursery that’s a feeder for that school. Depends if you ever plan on more children as you might be relieved to have a day or two while pregnant.

I can see a massive difference in my children and what they have learnt from being in a nursery setting. I have friends who are teachers in foundation and they have always said they can tell the children who haven’t been in a formal setting. It’s all sorted by year 1/2 but I think it’s a bigger adjust for some children.

I don’t think one way is better than another. All children are different, go with your gut and try to drown out the advice (this is only the beginning of the advice I’m afraid too)

Of course nursery isn't compulsory.

Both of mine went to full time nursery from 6 months because I had to work. We were lucky, had a great nursery with very low staff turnover and small numbers of kids. They both had a massive head start when they started school in terms of routines but also in terms of reading and maths. But for me the biggest thing was that they didn't get ill, because they'd had all the exposure to various bugs at nursery. That's something you might want to consider - if you go back to work when your DC starts school, be prepared for them to be off sick a lot in the first year or two.