WWYD - potential abuse of elderly lady

[Jilko]

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice on something I've just heard. For some background: my neighbour is in her 50s, her husband works abroad for most of the year, & she lives with & cares for her elderly (85) mum, who is very frail & has lost her ability to talk. Her mum also has a ft carer who visits every day & takes her mum out etc.
We have lived next door for a couple of years and she is nicely spoken, always seem lovely & nice & upbeat/happy. We don't socialise with them, but always pass the time of day.

So this morning I returned home with 3yr old dd & neighbour was in her garage, so we chatted away for 5mins, she was her lovely self as usual. Straight after this I was in the kitchen with the window open when I heard shouting. I assumed it was someone shouting at their kids, so I went to the window & heard my neighbour going mental. She was screaming & swearing at her mum, fk this, fk that, don't fkin laugh at me, you wouldn't know the meaning of hard work, you're the fkin reason I lost everything, fkin bitch. I also heard her hit something. I was shaking like a leaf, & still am.

I really don't know what to do. Hubby thinks we should report it, but to who - the police? I am also worried that she will know its me who reported it. We are moving in a couple of weeks, but will still be in the same street.

Any advice really appreciated.

I would phone social services and tell them exactly what you said here.
SS is not only for children.

Thank you Lisbeth, I'll have a look.

She sounds like she's at the end of her tether. Was the other carer there, too? I would report it to social services. I doubt she'll want to talk about it with you anyway.

No the carer wasn't there. I very much doubt she would act that way if she was.

I don't care if she's at the end of her tether, I've had a stressful year but wouldn't think about treating my own mother like this?? She told her to drop down dead...to do her a favour! F* off repeatedly.

I talked to dh today when he finished work, & I really feel like I want to report it, but we are both worried about her suspecting or knowing it was me, after all, if she is capable of treating her own mother like that??? Btw, this is someone who seems like the most respectable, genuine woman ever...it just goes to show. She has offered to look after the girls before if we wanted to go out (we have no family or many close friends around) & could have easily taken her up on her offer as we are moving house in a week! It makes me feel sick...

I also want to emphasise that her mum cannot talk at all, not sure what the reason is as I have only ever known her like this, and I always feel so sorry for her when I see her. Her face lights up when she sees my dds, and she opens her mouth to talk, but can't! So obviously can't defend herself, this is what makes it worse. I really dont want to make it worse...although I can't see how it could be for her tbh

So you've not reported it to your adult safeguarding theme? Well let's hope the weekend passes without incident.

Ring them. It's that simple

I think you should report it. The mum can't tell anyone or ask for help. If she's at the end of her tether maybe more support can be arranged.

Report to adult social services, or police if you feel more comfortable.

Your NDN may actually be glad if your report prompts more carer help. And more carers mean less opportunity for the daughter to behave in this way. And if the daughter is actually losing it from the stress, then anythjng that relieved this will be great for the elderly mum and the daughter.

It may be that the elderly mother gets moved to an old peoples home, eventually, which probably won't be great, but if she's already being abused at home, it may well be better.