Witnessed domestic violence in public - did I do the right thing?

[ThePartyArtist]

I am seeking advice about whether I have done the right thing in relation to witnessing domestic violence in public. I would also like to know if there is anything further I should do e.g. referring this to the police?

Today I was walking up an escalator beside a staircase in a bus station. At the top of the stairs was a couple. As I got onto the escalator I heard him say loudly that he didn't want to go home. The two of them were standing still at the top of the stairs. As I came level with them on the escalator, I noticed he was twisting her ear and continuing to say they should go home. His behaviour appeared calm, calculated and in control. She was fairly quiet, had a calm tone of voice although I think was protesting slightly, and was giggling slightly although I sensed this was nervous laughter rather than anything playful as I felt his actions were clearly agressive.

Without thinking I said loudly 'Excuse me' upon which they both turned round (he let go of her) and I said firmly 'don't treat her like that'. They were both staring at me open mouthed, and didn't say anything back. My exchange with them was very brief and I then walked away from them, however I have been left wondering if I did the right thing, and wondering will this make things worse for her, should I have spoken directly to her, should I have called the police etc. I felt she was not badly hurt enough to need help in that sense - rather his actions were controlling her and I wanted to make known that people had noticed.

Can you advise what I should have done and if I should do anything further? I felt that I had very limited time to act as I was moving past them on an escalator and my instinct was to stop the action from happening. I didn't feel this gave me time to call the police. I have a very hazy memory of them but know the location where it happened at about 9.08am this morning, he was very large (20 stone at least), scruffy appearance, think he was wearing joggers and a navy blue tracksuit top. She was around 5' 2'', hair in a ponytail, overweight. I would guess their ages to be mid thirties. Other than that I would have very little info to give the police.

Shutthatdoor

OK, from what you've just said, it sounds like I misread your first post, but in fairness it wasn't very clear. So if you think the ear pinching could have been the tip of the iceberg (which I agree with FWIW) do you think the OP was right or wrong to say something?

As for my post, I was using an extreme example to make a point but I made it clear that I wasn't comparing the two.

There really is no need to call someone names even if you disagree.

OurBlanche - what a depressing experience to have had..!

My take on that is that the dynamic of DV can be quite complex; the victim may see it as normal, and outside interference as totally out of order because she has been socialised (whether in childhood or throughout the relationship) to think that way. She might also fear what would happen later; she might even have seen your intervention (on some level) as an opportunity to switch the victim role for the safer one of co-aggressor along with her partner, thereby getting her a temporary reprieve.

I hope it won't put you off doing/saying something in future in a similar situation. It really does help the victim to know that other people see it as wrong enough that they will intervene. When people stroll on by, or laugh when you're getting a kicking in public it can feel very isolating indeed.

It was quite depressing, but I have stepped in since, sadly. That was much later, we had mobile phones and, as the woman clung to my arm I called the police and reported the man attacking me - he had slapped at her and caught my shoulder.

They arrived, he was arrested, she pressed charges. He pled guilty so I didn't go to court. I assumed it was on CCTV.

Thankfully I have moved since. I no longer teach Boxercise and don't feel so physically brave

Oh, I agree with your take too. I work p/t and volunteering with a local NHS initiative. I normally help with Support to Stop but occasionally agree to a mentoring session, usually disguised as cookery, sewing or exercise classes. Many clients are victims of DV. Many have a very warped view of what is allowable and to be expected within a relationship. These are men as well as women.

I would've done the same as you OP

I witnessed a man assaulting a woman. He basically chased her round and round a bus stop, grabbed her hair by her long braids, dragged her into the car and sped off.

I was too scared to intervene but called the police and took a pic of his car. After they drove off a couple of men at the bus stop said it was a regular thing.

Woman didn't press charges

I think that its better to come across a bit weird than to just ignore it. It might have been nothing but if it was something then its better that you say something, ots hard enough to leave domestic violence without people acting like its normal and ok when it happens in public. So what if it was innocent playing and they thought you were a bit strange? I don't think there's anything the police could do but you may have made the woman think twice about whether this is normal if there is a DV issue going on. I think you've done the best you can do OP and more than most people would have done.