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Original poster

Grandparents giving dd money

16 replies

Tw1nkle · 14/09/2015 09:49

Hi.
I have two dd.....7yr old and a little baby 4 months.
When I was little my aunt used to favour my older sister over me, and I used to get very upset.
It's important to me that both my dd's are treated the same.
My fil likes to give money to my eldest. I have explained that he now needs to give the same amount to youngest dd too.
He is getting round this by giving my eldest money when she has 'earned' it. For example.....she swam 25metres for the first time last week.....so he gave her £3.

I know my 4 month old is way too young to understand, but I want his behaviour to change now......what would you do?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 14/09/2015 09:55

To be honest until the baby is old enough to be able to choose something to spend the money on I don't think the grandparent is out of order. What would a four month old do with £3? Confused

CiderwithBuda · 14/09/2015 09:58

Well im sure when your youngest is old enough your dad will give him money too. I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

sooperdooper · 14/09/2015 09:59

I think you're reading too much into this, it's not an issue until the baby is old enough to have something of equal value to have earned the pocket money - I thought it was going to be about large sums of cash!

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CiderwithBuda · 14/09/2015 10:00

Sorry just realise I changed your youngest DS to a DS - sorry!

WhoisLucasHood · 14/09/2015 10:01

I put all their money given in their own bank accounts that we'll even out when they're older to go towards big useful purchases.

SlowlyGoingINSAINIA · 14/09/2015 10:02

You can't treat them exactly the same when they are completely different ages.

Gruach · 14/09/2015 10:04

Whether it's the technical term or not you do seem to be projecting.

It's not favouritism to have been giving money to a grandchild you've had for 7 years and not yet to have given any to a 4 month old.

Tbh I'd be a little annoyed as a grandparent to be told what I must give to my grandchildren. Unless there's more to it your FIL isn't "getting round" anything - he's just being a GP surely?

If he were, for instance, to offer school fees for one and not the other, or holidays - then you would have cause for complaint.

Don't look for problems that aren't there.

FishWithABicycle · 14/09/2015 10:05

Was your FIL giving DD1 money when she was 4 months old? If not, then it would be favouritism to DD2 to start giving her money long before her big sister started getting cash of her own. Yes they should be treated equally but that means that in 7 years time DD2 should be getting a cash reward when she swims 25m - not that she gets it now when she doesn't care.

Older kids can notice that kind of favouritism just as much.

RainbowFlutterby · 14/09/2015 10:06

I actually think it's nice that your DD is being rewarded for her achievements and I think it's better than just randomly throwing pocket money at them. I think as long as your dad starts rewarding your younger DD when she's old enough to understand I think what he's doing is fine.

butteredbarmbrack · 14/09/2015 10:07

I agree, wouldn't have a problem with this. And if they have only started giving money to the elder, surely unfair to her if the baby gets money when she didn't at the same age? So in fact, you could argue that by giving the baby money, he'd be favouring her and giving her different treatment to what your elder daughter had!

butteredbarmbrack · 14/09/2015 10:08

Cross post with Fish! What she said!

ShelaghTurner · 14/09/2015 10:08

My dad often gives my 7yo money. Sometimes he'll give my 3yo some too, sometimes he won't. I know full well that when dd2 is older she won't be forgotten and so I don't see an issue at the moment. DD1 loves having her own money, DD2 puts any money she finds in DD1's money box! She couldn't care less about it.

LyndaNotLinda · 14/09/2015 10:09

Did you FIL give your DD1 cash when she was 4 months? Or did he wait until she was old enough to spend it?

If not, I think you're projecting rather a lot

LittleBearPad · 14/09/2015 10:10

I think you're creating a problem that given their ages doesn't exist.

Did dd1 get cash when she was 4 months old? Probably not. If dd2 does then arguably they aren't being treated the same

Bakeoffcake · 14/09/2015 10:15

Don't be so daft!

I can uncpdersatnd why you're a bit sensitive about this, because of your childhood, but it doesn't matter when your little one is only 4 months old. If he's still doing it when she's older, then you have a point.

MythicalKings · 14/09/2015 10:31

Daft. Really, OP, get a grip.

Your FiL sounds a lovely man, getting involved with his DGCs. You behaving like a cow may well alienate him.

Let him develop relationships with his DGCs in his own way and stop being so bossy.

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