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Original poster

Should we pay MiL??

14 replies

SleepForTheWeak · 04/08/2015 22:45

I've just started back to work part time and my MIL is looking after our DD who is 9 months. She looks after her in our house from 9.30 - 4.30 (I'm home for an hour at lunchtime as is DH) Mon - Wed.

I know she wouldn't take money from us, and she loves looking after DD, but she's just recently retired and in aware of what a big undertaking and commitment this is.

What could we do to pay MIL without handing over money so that she doesn't feel like it's a 'job'?

OP posts:

TheCommander · 04/08/2015 22:49

Open a bank account and start paying the salary she wouldn't accept into it, then when it is her turn to be supported by her family, use that money to complement her pension or pay for aditional support.

Original poster

SleepForTheWeak · 04/08/2015 22:51

That's a great suggestion, thanks! She is getting quite a good pension from the job she recently retired in but we could always put the money in the bank and take her away on holiday etc

OP posts:

chairmeoh · 04/08/2015 22:52

Buy DD and her an annual pass at the local soft play/farm.
Fill her car with petrol regularly.
Give her a preloaded Costa coffee card.
Take her out to lunch now and then or ask her to meet you in a cafe near to work rather than going home for lunch.

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Newtobecomingamum · 04/08/2015 22:54

I think by buying the odd gifts of appreciation is better. Money is just Money and if like my mum could get offended or just not take it. I'd send a lovely bunch of flowers to her at home with a lovely message saying thank you so much for everything she does, make a nice handmade card from your little one saying alive you grandma with photo and hand prints in it, get a nice photo framed of the two them etc. Obviously not all in one go but spread it over months. Those special little touches mean more than money to grandparents.

Newtobecomingamum · 04/08/2015 22:54

Love you grandma not alive stupid phone ha!

springlamb · 04/08/2015 22:55

I am doing pretty much the same for my MIL for all the dog sitting she does for us.
MIL grew up as an army brat in what was then Malaya and left there in the late 50s to train as a nurse in London. She's never been able to return but regales her grandchildren with tales of her life there. I'm going to take her back for her 80th in 2017, albeit the 5 star all inclusive route.

scatterthenuns · 04/08/2015 23:00

I pay mine, but thats because she does the ironing as well as DC. Won't take money for the kids, but definitely will for ironing!

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2015 23:01

Get your husband to take her car to the garage and fill it up every weekend. Get him to check oil, water, tyres and anything else that's a pain in the neck.

I agree with the pre-paid Costa card - look at where she likes to go to and get a pre-paid card so she can enjoy snacks and coffee at your expense when she's out.

And then I'd put money into the bank towards a holiday for her - by all means take her with you if you want but of course it's her holiday then; she's not there to childmind!

Original poster

SleepForTheWeak · 04/08/2015 23:04

So many great suggestions, thanks! We live in a tiny town that doesn't have a costa etc and everything is pretty much walking distance (and I would be better checking her car than DH ) but I appreciate all these lovely ideas

OP posts:

MurielWoods · 04/08/2015 23:09

Make sure that you create lots of special mementos and keepsakes of the time she spends with DD. Cards, albums etc.

Show her that she is a very special person in your DD's life in so many ways and not just the babysitter

broomy123 · 04/08/2015 23:14

I was thinking this today as my mum is going to help me out and save me a good chunk of nursery! She loves getting her hair done so going to get her regular vouchers for her hairdresser. She also loves her red wine so thought a case of that every now and then too! Also take her shopping and treat her to something she likes. I think it's the thought they appreciate more than anything! We're lucky to have mums who can help!

PaulineFossil · 04/08/2015 23:25

Actually, if she doesn't want payment, I'd respect that. Obviously cover expenses type stuff, outings etc while she's looking after your dd, make sure she knows you are grateful, be available to help her when she needs it but, as a note of caution (and you will know best if this applies to your MiL) anything too big or obviously expensive could make her feel obliged even if she finds it tough. Three days a week is a lot and a day with a 9 month old is very different to a day with the little girl she will be next summer. There may come a time when it gets too much and you wouldn't want to make her way out of the arrangement any more difficult for her.

My wonderful grandfather would never accept anything in return for the things he did for his children and grandchildren. He simply asked for a promise that they would do whatever they were able for their children and grandchildren.

threenotfour · 04/08/2015 23:36

What about just opening a bank account for her and putting in a small reasonable amount in it and explaining it's because you don't want her to feel stuck in with your DD esp as she grows bigger or out of pocket and it's to pay for any trips out, lunches, coffees for them both. In a way like an expenses account but preloaded for her.

threenotfour · 04/08/2015 23:37

Obv not coffees for them both only your MIL.

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