unhappy with my life

[dunnowhattodo1]

ive been with my hubby for 15 years,married 5,we have 4 children,one is disabled, im not coping with my life,i dont feel like i love him anymore im so unhappy and feel im only staying with him for fear of not coping with the kids on my own,and no-one else ever wanting me because of all my kids,and the added stress of one being disabled, im sick of feeling so alone and unhappy,and feel like my only way out is to end my own life

I'm so sorry you feel so desperate. Sounds like you have a lot going on. Do you get any respite / support? Does your husband know how you feel?

i get no respite,i dont even get a break from any of the children,if i want to go and have a shower,my husband gives me a look as if to say do you have to leave me with these,or if i want to go out just to my mums for half an hour,i get that same look,where as he can take a shower,do the gym, go fishing,work all hours,yes he noes im finding the kids hard work,his answer,whats so hard about sitting on your arse all day,and yet our house is spotless the kids are fed and clean,so wher he gets this sitting on my arse from i do not no,i have had enough,respite wouldnt cut it,i dont want to be with him anymore,but would i regret leaving

Are you really sure you would regret leaving? He sounds like a completely selfish prick. At least if you were separated you would have some respite when he had the kids, and he would actually have to step up and parent them sometimes..

thank you,its just a really scary thought,if he met someone new he would soon give the having the kids over up,like most men, before i met him,i was the black sheep of my family, i never did anything right,blokes would come and then go, my family never liked any of them or anything i did,but i grew up and settled down with him, my family love him,and always take his side,since being with him ive become really close to my family,if i chuck him out,it will all be my fault,they will take his side,after all they wreckon he loves the ground i walk on,just because he does housework here and there,they dont see the bigger picture,im also not getting any younger,ill be single forever

You need to get your bossy, selfish head on. Imagine you are someone like Madonna and can do whatever the hell you want.

When you want a shower, just say I'm having a shower and up you go. Ignore the looks. In fact don't even look at him as you go.
'Im off see my mum, see you later' and just walk out of the door without looking back. Etc etc. Do not wait for an answer just do what it is you want to do and plan it so that you get out swiftly with no chance for looks or a reply even.

Hope this helps. Be confident, like you just couldn't care less any more what he thinks.

And do not apologise for your choices.

Have you thought about going back to work part time it would that be impossible ?
Then at least he would have to pull his weight more
I'd also suggest seeing your GP as you sound depressed & maybe a little help would make things seem less bleak

And if you need a break in the evenings, just walk out the door and say see you later and just go for a long walk or pre arrange to see a friend or do something anything. Join an evening class, weight watchers, go to the cinema, join a local choir, anything.

thanks guys, im already on depression pills, but i have started to care alot less what he thinks, i take the dog out now on my own aswell, and its so less stressful and abit of time on my own, my husband doesnt want me to work, keeps coming up with how it would be impossible for me to do so

oh and yesterday although it felt terriible i didnt clean up at all, did not pick up or clean up a thing, just to show him what i do do on a daily basis, his face could of stopped a clock when he walked in from work