Anniversary party + donations or fundraiser?

[AugustRose]

DH and I have been married for 5 years, however next April we will have been together for 25 years.

When we got married it was a very quiet affair, just our children and two friends with no family. After the death of a baby 18 months before and the safe arrival of our last baby it finally seemed right to get married without any fuss. However my mum was understandably upset.

I am considering (haven't even spoken to DH yet) having a family and friends celebration of our 25 years and would like to do something in memory of our son at the same time. Would it be OK just of have a party and ask for donations to Sands or does that seem rude? I don't want it to sound like I'm saying "we didn't ask for wedding gifts but now we'd like your money".

The alternative is to arrange a fundraiser but as most of our family and friends don't live near us I would need someone where they are to help arrange it which might be a bit stressful from an 80 mile distance.

Has anyone any experience of something similar?
Thanks

I think that sounds like a lovely idea. The only thing I would be careful of is the wording of your invitations. Make it clear that you would rather not have presents because you're all set up as a family and household already. Perhaps suggest that anyone who still feels they would like to mark the occasion might consider a donation to Sands in honour of your son. Also let your guests know that celebrating with you is the best gift really.

On a different note, I have often seen a discreet box/basket with the name of an appropriate charity (Cancer Society etc) on it at funerals where there have been requests for family flowers only. I'm not suggesting your celebrations compare to a funeral, just that there are ways of doing it without being grabby or pushing those who don't want to.