Just saw the same child being hit around the back of the head for the second timeWWYD?

[UnspecialSnowflake]

The first time I saw this was about four months ago, then again today.

On the school run I walk down a quiet residential street, often there's no foot traffic bar DD and me. At one of the houses we walk past I frequently see a woman coming out and getting her three DCs in her car, which is in a driveway in her front garden. From what I've seen she has one toddler and two primary aged sons, the oldest one about 8. I don't recognise the school uniforms, it's certainly not DDs school.

There's often a bit of a row going on, the toddler screaming, and her arguing with the older ones. Fair enough, getting out of the house in the mornings can be stressful with children, there's nothing unusual in that, but twice now see her hit the oldest child around the back of the head.

The first time I saw this he was dithering around at the open car door not getting in when he'd been told to, and she cuffed him around the back of the head then roughly pushed him into the car using the back of his head. Today the same child was poking at something in the flowerbed by the front door when she came out, and she shouted at him that he was meant to be in the car, then smacked him quite hard around the back of the head.

I'm really torn on if I should do something about this or not. On one hand all I'm seeing is a tiny snapshot of their mornings, I know nothing about this woman and her life, these could be the only two occasions she's hit her son (although I suspect not) and she could be under some kind of huge stress beyond just getting out of the house in the morning. I don't want to be a curtain twitching busy body.

On the other hand she's hitting a young child in the head. If I'd seen her swatting his bum instead I think I'd find it easier to ignore. I don't like people spanking children, I never do it, but I was sometimes spanked as a child and I don't think an occasional swat on the bum is abuse. Hitting a child in the head feels like abuse to me.

I probably should have spoken up this morning and said that hitting her child like that was wrong, I spent the rest of the school run trying to think of what I could have said that wouldn't have provoked an angry response and made the situation worse. Obviously I know her address so I could report her to SS but would that be going too far? WWYD?

You feel you should do something, so have the courage of your convictions and do it. If it was a man hitting a woman around the head and pushing her outside their house, what would you do?

Good point Shatners, I wouldn't ignore that.

I doubt speaking to her would be effective.

Perhaps call the NSPCC, who can decide whether to refer further. If nothing else, it sounds like that family could do with some support with better strategies. It's not OK for anyone to be hit round the head as punishment.

I'd report to SS. Casually lamping him round the head in full view of passers by suggests it means very little to her. God knows what happens out of the public view.

Hitting around the head is dangerous. Full stop, and that's perhaps the way you should look at it.

Even if she is a great parent in all other ways, even if she has the most stressful children alive when it comes to getting out of the house on time, yes you should report her to SS. Presumably she loves her children and would be devastated if she were to end up permanently damaging one of them. So give her the wake-up call that she needs and report her to SS.

They won't take her children off her on one report, but if she's an otherwise good parent who is starting to use unacceptable force, then she'll get a horrible shock and wake up to herself.

If she's an utterly shit and abusive parent, then you will alert SS to her (or possibly be yet another report which will allow them to take action).

Don't do nothing. It's completely different from a smack on the bum. The intent and attitude is bad re both - but a smack on the bum won't potentially give you a detached retina, damage your hearing or even give you brain damage. So report.

Of course abuse should never be ignored but as you said, you were watching a snap shot of a stressful moment in the day. Late for school, kids not listening. Was it just a cuff round the head or quite a hard hit? If you felt it was hard you should have made a quick comment to the mother that you thought it was hard and unacceptable behaviour towards her kids. Did the kid cry? How did they react? You witnessed all this so only you know. I just think reporting it to the authorities is ott. Perhaps tell the mum that if you witness anything again you will report it? This happened 4 months apart too which is a long time, what makes you think she abuses them? It is a serious accusation to make.

It's not your job to analyse what you observed. It is your job to report it.

"Perhaps tell the mum that if you witness anything again you will report it?"

DO NOT DO THIS.

Report it. Now.

I think Shatner's right, if you wouldn't ignore a man behaving like that towards a woman, why is it OK for a child to be hit?
Flagging it may mean that the woman is offered some support, or at least that the children are on someone's radar, and that she might think about what she's doing before letting rage dictate her actions.

I really like the comparison to seeing a man cuffing a woman like that. We would all be appalled but somehow when it comes to a child we think " aw, well, it's hard getting out in the morning...". I say this as a far from perfect mother who has smacked a bum or arm in frustration. I know I do it when I am stressed and that when I am not tired and pulled in too many directions I don't. Maybe she needs help. I would be mortified if SS came knocking on my door but it might be the help I needed.

I believed in smacking when I was bringing my dd up, but hitting a child around the head is dangerous and has always been forbidden. I think you have to report this, OP.

I don't think there's ever an excuse for hitting a child. I would definitely report it to social services.