Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Sulking friend - what would you do?

8 replies

bananacarnival · 06/05/2015 20:48

Closest friend of the past 25 years is currently giving me the complete silent treatment and I feel as though he should be making contact with me, not vice versa.

In the past 9 months I've been going through some kind of a near breakdown. Lots of health issues, very depressed and lots of stress because of the amount of demands on me and my time.
Best friend has spent some time with me but generally tries to avoid talking about my problems. Throughout our teens and twenties he's done more than his fair share of listening and I've always thought of him as my rock.

Recently he keeps asking me to meet up with him when our kids are at school,to talk about our shared interest - music, not much else... a bit too frequently for my liking- I've got a lot on. I generally say yes because I'm trying to support him as he was made redundant a year ago, also possibly depressed.
A few weeks ago he asked me to drive him somewhere and I ended up waiting in the hot car for 2 hours, and cried because I was in a lot of pain - shoulders/ migraine. I needed to get things done and I couldn't.

When he returned to the car I sobbed my guts out as I drove us back, almost hysterical. I told him that I'm not well, I'm highly stressed and even more stressed now that I couldn't get things done... he said sorry several times quietly but remained stunned by my outburst.

Later that evening I sent him a message to say I'm sorry for my outburst, that I wasn't angry with him but with the situation etc. He said he understands and was sad to see me that way and if he can help just ask.

That was 3 weeks ago. I haven’t heard anything. I feel that I've apologised - should I be the one to contact him again? We normally speak everyday.
I feel that a true friend would actually drop a quick line to say ' no pressure, but are you ok?'

Am I missing something here?

Thanks

OP posts:
JustHavinABreak · 06/05/2015 22:28

First of all, I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time right now Flowers

I don't think your friend is necessarily sulking. He may just be a little shell shocked that things had got so bad for you and he hadn't realised. Yes, you'd think that would make him be a little more forthcoming with some support buy in a similar situation maybe he would like to be given some space and has mistakenly assumed you would too.

Given that you have so much history, surely it's worth reaching out and saying that you could really do with a friend right now. Maybe a text along the lines of "Hey xxx, Hope I haven't scared you off now that you've seen what's going on right now, but I could really do with a friend these days. I'm having a rough patch and I miss our chats"

bananacarnival · 06/05/2015 23:08

Thanks for the reply Justhavingabreak, I think you're right and my pride is standing in the way...

OP posts:
bigbumtheory · 16/05/2015 15:46

I think maybe you should text him. He did not get angry or anything that suggests sulking. He was shocked and possibly quite upset that you feel this way, maybe even feels guilty for having relied on you and having you feel worse.

As Just says I would text him but I would not mention needing a friend or missing the chats because I think it may be putting a lot on him too especially if he has depression and is going through a lot. It may also seem like mixed signals if he's been feeling guilty and is in a bad place anyway. I would keep it neutral, "Hi X, how are you? I hope everything has been okay, I've missed catching up with you. Would you like to meet for coffee and have a catch up?"

bigbumtheory · 16/05/2015 15:46

Oh this is very old, I am sorry OP, I did not see the date.

bananacarnival · 16/05/2015 20:29

Thank you all the same...I did contact him about 10 days ago to ask how he is and how his arm is now, he responded. But nothing since. So essentially about 5 weeks of no communication from him other than responses to my texts. Feel bad he's not taking the initiative to ask after me of his own accord...
Don't like chasing someone!

OP posts:
bigbumtheory · 18/05/2015 17:54

I'd stop chasing him, it sounds like he wants some distance- perhaps his depression is asking it so he can only focus on himself for a while? If he is a true friend then he will text soon. You can always ask about meeting for coffee though before you stop? He might be better face to face,

bananacarnival · 19/05/2015 10:03

Thanks again bigbumtheory, I know...it's just a case of swallowing my pride!

OP posts:
aNoteToFollowSo · 19/05/2015 10:18

Hmm, sounds to me like he simply can't cope with having to be the one doing the supporting, rather than the leaning. You didnt do anything wrong, he's just a whole lot more selfish than you are. At least that is how it sounds to me. It doesnt mean you should cut him out. Do get in contact if you want to, or when you are ready. But do so with a clearer understanding of the limitations of what he can offer. He might not be the right friend for you right now, but he is still a close and valued friend.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread