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Original poster

Friend persuaded me to place her an order, but now won't pay me back

29 replies

SpringInTheStep · 23/04/2015 10:22

My friend of 10 years has been like a sister to me. She has embarked on a new self-employed business and needs to make certain targets each month.

Until recently, I had managed to keep my distance from it all, but she contacted me in a fluster, worried that she wasn't making her targets.

When it was her birthday 4 months ago, I have offered to put in a modest order (in my mind it was akin to a token of my support for her as I didn't need the products), but she lost the order and it didn't go ahead. Now that she was in a panic, she had gone through all of her paperwork and found my modest order, so there as no reason to delay any further.

When I came to place the order, she had added several extras to my list but I declined them all as it was getting too expensive and I just didn;t need the stuff. She then included something she wanted for herself, but didn't want to pay the extra delivery by creating a separate order. I agreed, again as a one-off goodwill gesture to a friend, and she said she would pay me asap.

However, when the delivery arrived, I let her know and she was suspiciously quiet. It took several weeks for her agree a time for me to drop it off to her, and when I did, she told me that she had no money but would get it to me.

The weeks have passed by and I have reminded her a couple of times, but she always agrees, makes an excuse as to how hard done by she is because her life is so hectic, and promises to get it "soon".

I had foolishly spent more than I wanted already, but certainly would not have bought half of it if I'd known I was going to pay for her order and never get the money back! It feels like the end of a good friendship to be honest, and I am wondering if I should just cut my losses and cut her out of my life without saying anything more, or whether I should keep pestering her and make her hate me by doing so.

Cutting her out of my life would also be really hard as our children are close friends at school, and they'd be distraught at losing their friends. Also, we're always waiting outside the same classrooms each day and so can't avoid each other.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Seeline · 23/04/2015 10:36

How much is it? Could you ask for it in instalments?
If not demand the item back so that you can try and flog it and get some money back.
I think you really need to decide how important it is (obviously that will in part relate to the amount ££ involved).
Do you really value the friendship - in which case have one more go and then write it off. If not, get really tough.

Pootles2010 · 23/04/2015 10:43

I'd have a word with her about it - to be honest it sounds to me like she's in trouble. I would suspect this business is going belly up, and she's panicking, and getting herself into serious financial trouble.

Original poster
SpringInTheStep · 23/04/2015 10:44

It's not a lot of money, I paid £250 and her order was 1/3 of the cost.

It is more that I didn't have £160 to spend on her business that month, let alone £250 (including her order) and I feel really let down she would do this. I suppose it's the principle of it a bit Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringInTheStep · 23/04/2015 10:45

The thing is, she has a full time job as well, so this is extra.

She also went to the local zoo with her kids last weekend, and has put photos on Facebook or her with her mates in expensive restaurants Shock so she clearly isn't tightening her belt.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringInTheStep · 23/04/2015 10:46

Pootles, what would you say to her when you've already asked for it several times?

OP posts:
Pootles2010 · 23/04/2015 10:51

Oh ok, fair dos then. I'd maybe say something like,

'Really sorry to nag, but I really do need that money back. I would like it by Sunday please' and see what she comes back with.

TwoLeftSocks · 23/04/2015 10:54

I think I'd be more to the point and say 'I'd like my money back, I feel you've taken advantage of me', and see how she responds.

TheAuthoress · 23/04/2015 10:55

That's really not on that you've been put in such an embarrassing situation. Can you call round to her house and ask for the money, and if she doesn't have it then ask for the item back (presuming it's jewellery or something, not make up or toiletries that she's already used up?).

Either way I'd be writing off the friendship and cooling things considerably from now on.

Twirlwirlywoo · 23/04/2015 10:59

When is her payday in her other job? Is it the end of the month? If so, get asking and put a time limit of a few days after her pay day.

Its horrible when people take advantage like this.

Cherryapple1 · 23/04/2015 11:01

I would contact the people you bought it from, is it Younique or some other such MLM nonsense?

tictactoad · 23/04/2015 11:23

£160 is loads. Especially on what is essentially a favour.

She is hoping you will drop this out of embarrassment. Tell her you need the money back and give her a date (soon!) by which she must you back.

The friendship's shot whatever you do so don't mince your words.

Baddz · 23/04/2015 11:30

I think your money is gone :(
And sadly you have no proof that she added stuff or that you were coerced into buying the stuff.
I dont think she sounds like a friend tbh.
If you have proof that you didn't wnat the items you could try the small claims court?

fuzzywuzzy · 23/04/2015 11:31

contact the company direct say they made a mistake on your order and you did not infact buy the item costing £90 and are not in receipt of it either.

FayKorgasm · 24/04/2015 14:53

Is this a multi level marketing type of business?

WhoNickedMyName · 24/04/2015 15:10

stop being woolly and apologetic and vague about wanting the money back.

text her...

"I need that 60 quid (or whatever it is) back by X day. I'll take cash, a cheque or a bank transfer, my account no and sort code is xxx xxx".

Don't apologise, be blunt, no niceties, set a date, be firm.

it was some Forever Living shite you bought wasn't it?

Original poster
SpringInTheStep · 24/04/2015 16:16

It was Arbonne Sad

OP posts:
DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 24/04/2015 16:19

FuzzyWuzzy has a good idea - tell your friend that if she doesnt stump up then you will contact Arbonne and tell them not delivered

FenellaFellorick · 24/04/2015 16:23

Some friend. Willing to shaft you over £60.

I think that demonstrates how little she cares about you, tbh.

I agree that it's time to say give me my money. You are taking the piss. Why should I pay for your whateveritwas? I paid for it, you're using it. You're out of order.

FenellaFellorick · 24/04/2015 16:24

sorry, not £60. £90.

90 bloody quid. That's how much your friendship is worth to her.

I would be commenting publicly and complaining to arbonne. Bloody piss taker.

Cherryapple1 · 24/04/2015 16:26

I wouldn't claim not delivered. I would give her 7 days to pay and if she doesn't you will report her to Arbonne for taking goods you have paid for.

Chippednailvarnish · 24/04/2015 16:26

I'd be giving her hell, she's ripped you off. I'd also be telling Arbonne, just on principle.

maleenteringfemalefacilities · 24/04/2015 16:32

Breezily say it at the school gate in earshot of others
"Hiya, you know the 160 you owe me since XX, can you get it for me today or tomorrow as I really need it back?"
If you embarrass her (and she realises that there is a possibility of you embarrassing her more by asking again tomorrow in front of the same people) you are more likely to get your money back.
Also as others say, ask her on payday so she is in funds and has no excuse!
I had an ex in college that owed me about 100 (20 yrs ago) - I used this technique - I asked him the day he received his grant, in front of his friends (6 months after we broke up, and having asked him monthly for the money)
He actually gave out to me when giving me the money, for embarrassing him in front of his mates! I just said "well then you should have paid me back six months ago" and he had no come back. Git. Smile

corgiology · 29/04/2015 22:56

It sounds like you hadn't ordered enough in her opinion so she asked you to buy something for her and had no intention of ever needing that item/paying you back but at least it raised the order to her acceptable amount.

I agree with advice already stated.

pieceofpurplesky · 29/04/2015 23:09

As people have said contact Arbonne - am sure they will be unhappy as their whole ethos is the caring friendly consultant thing!!

pluCaChange · 08/05/2015 18:48

If she's in financial trouble, you could approach her and ask if you can help, on the understanding that she gets the hell out (unless you think she'll resent you rather than being grateful for the change of help).

There's a risk, of course. If she's too far gone to accept help, you'd be scrubbing your friendship for £££, rather than for £90...

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