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Original poster

completely spiteful 11 year old auntie

32 replies

bigfam · 11/04/2015 06:30

I've posted about her before, she's my other half's auntie, but this time I'm completely shocked at her behaviour.

She comes round to play with our kids quite often, and whilst round the other day my 6 year olds tablet got smashed, the story is;
They were sat on the stairs and auntie 'double dared' my dd1 to kick dd2 (who's 3) down the stairs while she was holding the tablet, dd1 refused and said that auntie then kicked HER and she accidently knocked dd2. My 6 year old just wouldn't lie but on top of that dd2 also told me 'auntie kicked me down the stairs ' and she definitely wouldn't lie either, basically because she doesn't understand a lie, iyswim.
Anyway when I asked what happened auntie went on the defensive, stomping round and wouldn't talk so I left her alone.
When mil came to get her I told her what had happened but she was more concerned with her dd being upset, and when she came round today (mil) with her dd she had the balls to be sarky and say '_ don't go near anything electrical for goods sake'
Its not just the fact my 6 yo's tablet is broken, that actually pales in comparison to the fact that my kids auntie deliberately tried to push/get pushed a 3 yo old down the stairs!
Sorry for the rant, I'm just still furious.

OP posts:
Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 06:32
  • came round yesterday
OP posts:
petalsandstars · 11/04/2015 06:40

She wouldn't be round again unless DH and MIL were supervising at all times

tribpot · 11/04/2015 07:26

She's your OH's little sister, I assume, rather than his aunt (that would be odd although not impossible).

Why is she round at your house so often? She needs to be supervised as petals says. And not by you. I would also be asking MIL for the cost of a new tablet.

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 07:33

Yes, you're right, she's the kids auntie Confused
She's round quite often, although not anymore, after this.

OP posts:
tribpot · 11/04/2015 07:49

I would doubt any 11 year olds really want to play with a 6 and 3 year old, it sounds like she's being dumped on you. Not fair to her and certainly not fair to your kids.

Cherriesandapples · 11/04/2015 07:52

What 11year old kicks a 3 year old and breaks a tablet? She should not come around to your house!

DrankSangriaInThePark · 11/04/2015 08:00

She's a child. Why aren't you supervising her properly when she comes round to play?

Did you hear all this double dare stuff? If not, then you aren't supervising them properly. If so, why didn't you intervene?

honeysucklejasmine · 11/04/2015 08:05

I don't think she'd be coming over again for a long time.

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 08:06

I was trying to settle my 10 week old.
Of course I'd of intervened if I heard that

OP posts:
DrankSangriaInThePark · 11/04/2015 08:11

Any 6 yr old would lie if it were them who'd accidentally broken their tablet, we've all been that 6 yr old terrified of getting into trouble.

I'm not saying it wasn't the 11 yr old, but if you intend to fall out with the family/not have her round anymore/get money for the tablet, I'd make sure I was very sure of the story first.

And maybe not such a good idea to have very young kids playing with electronic stuff on the stairs in future eh?

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 08:16

Wow, I don't care about the tablet, its the potential injury to my three year old.
My 6 year old doesn't lie, and my three year old CANT lie (she just doesn't know how)

And they were sat on the stairs.

OP posts:
breakingthebank · 11/04/2015 08:22

Was this a one off or is she always spiteful to the younger children? At 11 I would expect her to be "looking after" the younger children rather than really playing with them and spending most of her time with the adults or on the computer, etc. If she's regularly nasty I would just tell mil she doesn't get on with the younger kids so it's not worth leaving her with you for the day.

Cherriesandapples · 11/04/2015 09:02

I don't think any three year old should play on the stairs. That is a strict rule in my house.

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 09:07

*sat. None of them play on the stairs

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 11/04/2015 09:10

I think you should curtail her visits tbh she is to old to be playing with a 6yr old anyway and if she is like tgis do you tell her off ?

Mrsjayy · 11/04/2015 09:12

breakingthebank has it spot on say that .

tribpot · 11/04/2015 09:15

If you've got two small children and a baby to look after, why on earth is the 11 year old visiting as well?

OutsSelf · 11/04/2015 09:21

The potential injury to your 3yr old is shocking. I agree with PP that this 11yr old really shouldn't be being dumped on you, especially with a newborn in the house.

Your Mil sounds like she's minimising so as not to be faces with childcare in the Easter holidays. DH should be handling this, either doing something for his sister or telling his mum you can't be looking after more children, especially one who isn't of an age with your own DC.

It's really unlikely that your 6yr old never lies, btw, it's developmentally normal and even desirable in the sense that she understands that you have a different world view than her and she values your high opinion of her. It's also very possible that your 3yr old can lie, this should have developed from 2 and a half ish.

I think that said, it's entirely possible that your kids aren't lying about this incident. Sometimes you can recognise when they report because they use words, phrases or speech patterns that are clearly someone else's. But you shouldn't base your assessment on the idea that your two don't lie - if this was actually the case they'd both be developmentally behind. In any case whoever lied, this incident illustrates that it's actually inappropriate for you to be looking after an additional child with needs different from your own DC, for the sake of the wellbeing of all the children involved.

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 09:24

I've got four all together. Mil just brings her up and sort of abandons her here, I'd let it happen because if I ever had to take the baby to the doctors etc, mil is reluctant to watch the others. Obviously I'll have to make other arrangements now as if I stop letting the auntie here, I can guarantee mil won't mind my kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 09:26

Yes I did forget to mention that I knew dd1 was telling the truth because she's never uttered the words 'double dare' before

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 11/04/2015 09:33

So she gets dumped on you thats not fair the girl is probably bored rigid when kids are bored like that then there is potential for trouble i assume they live near you and its easy for mil to just drop in and leave her is she like this at home does your mil have problems with her behaviour?

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 09:52

She lives just up the road. She was recently in a lot of trouble for writing a letter to a girl In her class outlining how she was "going to kill her and bury her body where no-one can find her"
I don't think she's too bad whilst at home, but then there's no one for her to be horrible to.

OP posts:
Guyropes · 11/04/2015 10:02

I wouldn't focus on the 'auntliness' of the relationship. It's misleading... She is just another kid really.

She's got poor boundaries, sounds like she's been a bit spoilt. Also sounds like your mil is very much a 'strings attached' person. I would be discussing how to deal with it with your dh... Including how to find ways of not depending on them for anything. It's horrible to be trapped in that kind of dependence.

Mrsjayy · 11/04/2015 10:03

[Shock] thats not right is it does her mum think the sunshines out her backside and its everybody elses fault bet she does.

tribpot · 11/04/2015 10:39

I'd let it happen because if I ever had to take the baby to the doctors etc, mil is reluctant to watch the others.

You don't mean the 11 year old was minding the others if you have to pop out, I assume? But rather than the MIL would come to your house with the 11 year-old and watch all the kids for you (although to what degree this is safe is unclear).

11 year old sounds like a very troubled, neglected child. Clearly her mother can't be arsed, where is her father?

I agree with the others, you need to be talking to your DH about strategies for keeping the child at arm's length.