Poor little girl. Please advise me on how to approach this.

[lemonyone]

Have DDs new friend from school over today. Both are age 11.

We were chatting about a good friend of DDs (I'll call her Alice) and about her upcoming birthday party, when the friend wrinkled up her nose and said "Alice can be a bit crazy sometimes. And her breath is always really smelly." She didn't sound nasty about it, just matter of fact.

I felt so gutted for Alice, because it is something I had noticed and hoped that the girls were too young to notice as well. Alice's hygiene isn't fantastic and her gums are pretty red and teeth a bit furry looking. My DD has never mentioned her breath being a problem. Sometimes her clothes smell…meaty as well and her hair kind of has accidental dreadlocks.

Alice's Dad smokes heavily and has couple of front teeth missing. He's really nice and approachable. (I only say that he smokes because it might affect his sense of smell so he doesn't notice). I don't bump into him very often though.

Alices mum is nice too, but I think as a busy single mum of 3 kids she now lets Alice take charge of her own hair washing/toothbrushing etc. I rarely see either of them though as I tend to pick up Alice quite often straight from school and drop her off at the door of the Mums house. (Mum doesn't speak English).

I feel worried that Alice's hygiene is going to affect her friendships at school, and that if I know this info I should pass it on. I'd want to know this too if my DD had something like this that was being pointed out by other kids. But how?

I don't think there's much you can do, except maybe mention it to the school?

Pass on your concerns to the school perhaps? Not sure what else you can do about it, poor little girl.

Mention it to the class teacher but make sure it is clear you are only concerned about her. Well being and not judging. There was a a couple of kids in a class I was familiar with. They both smelt and had poor hygiene. The teacher did a class talk about washing and hygiene deodorant etc. they said if the problem didn't go away they would be having discreet individual chats.

I think it is really important. Kids can be cruel.

Sorry for typos for. Some reason text haas gone mad

Yy to mentioning it to the school - and perhaps choosing a really lovely bodywash set for her gift, with shower gel, bubble bath, sponge etc - probably a bit too pointed to slip in a toothbrush, but maybe next year you could get a toilet bag and fill it with toothbrush, deodorant, nice soap, moisturiser etc.

Reading this I am more concerned about the little girls teeth. If she isn't cleaning them and her gums are inflamed with bad breath she could end up losing them!! To my mind this is neglect. Clothes can be washed and deodorant applied but teeth can not be replaced.

Thanks Lexie, Overmy and Too,

I hadn't actually thought of running it past the school. I was trying to work out whether to try and do brushing competitions when she came for a sleepover (I look after her quite a bit especially during Inset days) or to speak to the parents, but I couldn't work out how.

That sounds a good idea about the class hygiene thing. I think they begin a sex-ed kind of class soon and so I could mention it to the teacher (it's not my DDs teacher).
Kids can be so cruel - and the worst part is, my DDs 'gang' is quite a kind gang of kids, the sort who play ponies still in the playground. I imagine this problem will only get worse once she starts high school and she may not even know…that bit breaks my heart. She is a kooky, slightly crazy kid and i'm really fond of her, as is DD.

Notquite- I think I will certainly do that - perhaps I could make a game of it next time she comes for a sleepover and go choose a bunch of fun samples from Boots.

And yes, sebsmummy - I worry about that too. The dad is quite young (about 28 - they had her when the mum was 15) and is already missing quite a few teeth. Alice is so sweet looking that the idea of gaps is just gutting.

A brushing competition sounds like a great idea too. You sound like a lovely friend to her.

Thanks notquite! She's easy to be nice to.

Perhaps I'll get some of those tablets that stain your teeth temporarily and do it as a fun, gory activity and see if I could teach her a few things without being too preachy.

And I'll definitely get in touch with the teacher.

As an adult with lifelong dental issues due to child neglect I would urge you to tell school. In my case people assumed my parents knew about proper dental hygiene and would teach me properly. Dentists then assumed I was just not bothering and I got to adulthood a dentist twigged that I didn't know some really basic stuff.

In your shoes I would be notifying school and SS.