is it acceptable?

[proudmummy2]

Hello, so my partner started smoking weed a few weeks after our daughter was born, I don't know how to feel about it I don't know a lot about weed if I'm honest I just know I don't agree with it-or any drugs for that matter. My partner knows my feelings towards this but obviously doesn't care much because he won't stop it. He says its okay because he does it when the kids are in bed and doesn't do it inside the house and that it doesn't make him any less of a dad, I completely disagree but I don't know if that's because I'm just so strongly against drugs and my children come first second and last to me. My partner has really messed me up with the whole situation, he says I'm over reacting, its got to the point where I don't even know what to say about it anymore because he's made me feel like maybe I am over reacting or something, should I just accept it? Is he right?x

No. This is shit. step away from this.

How is he supposed to be able to support you and your newborn and do his share of parenting if he's smoking weed? He can't and won't get involved. Step very far away from this.

Google it and read up on it. Even occasional use leads to depression, can lead to personality disorders, severe paranoia and psychosis just to name a few. Its ok saying he does it when the kids are in bed but what use is he to them or you if hes under the influence of drugs and theres an emergency or they are ill????

He says you're overreacting because he is disengaged from being a Dad to a newborn. Probably because he smokes weed. Any emergency or any minor child illness for that matter and it is all down to you.
You can't now trust him to do anything with any of your children. I'm sorry to be so brutal about it but you can't.
Smoking weed when you are a carefree slacker is one thing. When you are a parent with parental responsibility it is a 24/7 cop out.

I was watching cannabis on trial on tv a few weeks ago and although it really doesn't agree with some people for others it appears to be fine. It's far less damaging than alcohol say (which came out worst).

Keep an eye on your husbands behaviour/attitude then take up any grievance with this as he doesn't seem to want to listen to your opinion.
Is he generally still helpful around the house and helping with the baby?

No, this is 1000% unacceptable. I don't share your condemnation of drugs in general (at least not all of them, some of them I do totally disagree with) I smoked weed before my son was born but stopped when I was pg because he comes before anything else and I have had not had a joint in three years now because I just won't be that irresponsible. It's one thing to smoke it when no one else is relying on you but as soon as you have a child it's a totally different matter imho. My dad also smoked weed before I was born, when I was little and still smokes it now. I think somehow that normalized it for me so even though I see it as a pretty big deal (= because I actually grew the f up finally) I didn't when I was younger and that's clearly, at least to me, not at all a good thing. It's also part of the reason why my parents are divorced.

It wouldn't bother me tbh as long as he wasn't shirking his responsibilities etc.

The same as not everyone who enjoys a drink will be become an alcoholic. Not all smokers/stoners will become drug addled idiots who can't cope with life

I think that attitudes will change in years to come. At the moment people are not open about their habits because of attitutdes like pp's here.

If he's under the influence then he must not drive the children or bedshare with them. If he can't agree to that condition then he is absolutely no good.

To be honest, I'm surprising myself by not being particularly bothered about the legality. I'd be exactly the same about alcohol.

On the other hand, the financial implications of any habit such as alcohol, tobacco or weed would bother me. Sending family money up in smoke makes no sense at all. Can you as a family afford the weed?

Stepping back and asking practical questions may get a better response from him than a blanket "you must stop"/"you are overreacting".

Good luck.

I must admit the financial aspect would bother me, assuming he's still functioning as an adult, rather than some manchild. The price of it nowadays is extortionate, something most families with children could do without I imagine.