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Original poster

Sister in law want to be mum to my baby

25 replies

JosieJosie123 · 23/03/2015 15:43

Hi, really need to pick your brains
My SIL is a lovely person but my alarm bells are starting to ring. She is mid 30s with no children and desperately wants them. She has told me that she can easily manipulate & gets what she wants with her family! Trouble is she has latched onto my daughter and I don't know how have the conversation to set boundaries?
Firstly when I was pregnant, she announced that she would be like my daughters "surrogate mum". I was a bit shocked and didn't say anything. Now my DD is here my SIL has criticised my choices for having a dummy stating "she would prefer to find the route cause for her crying". She didn't believe me when I said DD has slight intolerance to cows milk and SIL also thought she should be "over her colic stage" ..this was at 3 months.

Recently we went out, she grabbed the buggy to push. Then joked and said "I wonder if people will think my DD is hers"! Every time she is around she picks my DD up and walks off, recently the other side of the cafe to see her friend, I turned round and she had passed my DD to someone I didn't know.

It's all backed up by my MIL insisting my DD looks spit of my SIL and has her personality too.

I have approached it with my OH, who initially supported me but has recently talked to his sister and said he feels sorry for her and we should leave our DD with her when she 2. I just don't want too.

It sounds all so silly to write but I'm having sleepless nights thinking my SIL will turn my daughter against me or into a mini her!

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 23/03/2015 21:02

I'd talk to you pr DH again. Tell him that it is very upsetting for you, and almost all mums, to have someone walk off with their baby. This is not you being odd, it's just normal. It's her that needs the boundaries.

Good luck.

Original poster

JosieJosie123 · 24/03/2015 09:43

Thanks, I am quite a protective person by nature so needed to check I wasn't being over the top. I'll keep an eye on her and think I'll tackle the walking off thing 1st. It would be a better approach if she just asked "is it ok..." Not just assume she has a right!

OP posts:

gabsdot45 · 24/03/2015 10:44

What does your husband mean by leaving the baby with her when she is 2? Does he mean for her to babysit? How old is she now?
Children can never have too many people that love them and so I think you should allow SIL to be involved but only to the extent you are comfortable with.
You might be grateful for the help someday.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

JiltedJohnsJulie · 24/03/2015 23:43

I don't think you are being overprotective at all. She is the most precious thing in your life, and it's only natural to want to look after her.

Have you managed to talk with your DH again?

Original poster

JosieJosie123 · 26/03/2015 10:36

Tried

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/03/2015 11:56

Do you think it would help if you showed him this thread?

Original poster

JosieJosie123 · 26/03/2015 13:46

Hi, sorry my message got cut off..whoops
Meant to say, I have tried to talk but he thinks his sister is being over friendly. He is lovely and supportive but I'm not sure if would really understand a mothers worry
I think I'll wait until the next time something happens, then address it in the moment xx

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/03/2015 14:29

Probably the best way to deal with it. Make sure if you say we instead of I when you tell her, for example, please don't walk off with our baby DH and I like to be able to see him. That way she knows you are united and she will find it harder to get her own way.

HeyDuggee · 26/03/2015 14:43

If this is supported by the MIL, maybe tell her that her daughter is way overstepping her boundaries as an aunt by telling you how to parent your own child - and as she's not actually sharing her own experiences, it does come across as negative rather than supporting. If she keeps this up, she will alienate you.

My first DD looked like my balding father, and apparently, when I was little, I looked like the spitting image of my aunt (also SIL to my mum) to the point everyone would assume my aunt was my mum when the three of us were out. My mum didn't mind because well ... It was true! Maybe look at your SIL's baby pics and decide if MIL is telling the truth?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/03/2015 14:50

at everyone mistaking your aunt for your mum. My bf has the same hair colour and eye colour as my cd and everyone always assumes they are hers, not mine.

shesannette · 15/05/2016 22:02

Hello mothers. I have a concern that really drives me crazy right now. Me and my husband left our 3 month old baby to his family because we went abroad for work. My MIL SIL are taking care of her but the thing is my SIL wants by baby call her "mommy" and my MIL is very obsessed to my daughter as well. My problem is i dont get to skype my baby that much and i dont even get updtes on my baby because we dont have a good relationship with my SIL. She was jealous of me when me and his bro got married. I dont know how to handle this.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 15/05/2016 22:07

Annette - you left your baby and went abroad ?

shesannette · 15/05/2016 22:10

Yes..i left her.. And now im missing her so much

tilder · 15/05/2016 22:11

What an interesting post

Earbudbitter · 15/05/2016 22:12

Zombie thread

PortiaCastis · 15/05/2016 22:12

Very interesting

Gazelda · 15/05/2016 22:13

Annette, go and get your baby back. Find local childcare that fits in with your work.

BastardGoDarkly · 15/05/2016 22:14

tilder · 15/05/2016 22:14

That wasn't for the op.

Op, boundaries are very important. A supportive family can be a wonderful thing. It does sound like your sil has no idea where the boundaries sit though. I would enlist your husbands help in emphasising your boundaries.

tilder · 15/05/2016 22:15

It is a zombie. Thank you. No zombie symbol though!

vichill · 15/05/2016 22:16

sounds like shes better off with them

PurpleDaisies · 15/05/2016 22:18

It is a zombie. Thank you. No zombie symbol though!
Too many people have posted on it now.

Odd that so many zombie threads seem to be being bumped just lately. shesannette if you're new here you might not know it's better to start your own thread than post on an old one.

QOD · 15/05/2016 22:20

Start a new thread ...
why reactivate a completely diff issue?
Copy and paste and start afresh

Zombie thread ffs

shesannette · 15/05/2016 22:27

Sorry..im just so new here. Okay il just transfer that post. I just want some help. 😞

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 15/05/2016 22:27

shesannette

Firstly - strongly advise you to start your own post. You will get a mix of posts, some directed at you, some directed at the Op and some pointing out to people that the original post is over a year old. All in all, not very helpful.

Secondly - I strongly suspect that you are not British. The women on this site mainly are. (Despite David Cameron's best efforts) Britain has an excellent welfare state in comparison to many countries which means that generally parents are not left with a choice of leaving their tiny babies for months at a time or accepting that their child will starve to death. As a result your choices make little sense to us and we will struggle to advise you properly.

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