Is there an etiquette for refusing friends requests?

[BertieBotts]

I am part of a group for meeting people in my local area. For a while I blindly accepted friend requests from people in the group, until it got to a point where I didn't really know half the people on my friends list, and it annoyed me because I was always scrolling through reams of stuff I didn't know about. Then one day I accepted a request and the person just kept posting massively racist stuff on their wall

That was a turning point. So I decided I would only accept friend requests from people I know fairly well, have spoken to a fair few times, felt a connection or a friendship with if that makes sense.

Fine. So somebody sent me a friend request. I sent a note back saying (roughly) "Sorry nothing personal, but I only accept people I've got to know in real life. Hope to see you around some time :)"

She sent me one back saying "Oh, I thought I met you at X's house that time. Never mind, it must have been somebody else." Well, I did meet her at X's house. But speaking to somebody once does not equal getting to know somebody, in my opinion.

So then I sent back some long involved thing about being overwhelmed with a giant list and I think she was offended :(

DH reckons I should have been less apologetic and wordy in the first place and just said "Sorry I only have close friends and family on facebook".

I just ignore them.

I also do this with friends who recommend other friends that they think I should be friends with (iyswim!)

No need to make an issue out of it or explain your choice.

Just decline the request and say no more about it. You are massively overthinking this. If someone adds on everyone that they've spoken to once, then it's unlikely that they would even notice.

This week I have had friend requests from a guy who used to work with dp, and a teenage girl who is friends with another teenage girl I only know through a hobby she shares with ds1. I have simply ignored both requests, and tbh, I have no idea why either of those people want to be my fb friend anyway!

I wouldn't have sent a message back in the first place.

You can accept or reject, that's your prerogative. It's your Facebook. She would never have known, in all likelihood - she'd have forgotten that she'd requested you after a few days, and if she had thought about it, probably concluded that you just hadn't accepted rather than that you'd rejected.

But you sent her a message, which was awkward, and opened communications. So she is immediately faced not only with the knowledge that you've rejected her, which she could have avoided otherwise, but with the feeling that she needs to defend why she added you in the first place. And you reply sounds like it made it worse - oh it's not you, it's just that I had a lot of randoms on there before...there's no way that came across well. She probably is offended.

You don't need to explain your Facebook decisions to people. Don't do it. You'll cause much, much offence than just adding or rejecting as you see fit.

Don't send a message, just reject.

Ah okay. Thanks. Now I feel bad! I was torn because she does seem like somebody I would get on with - when it's somebody I know I won't then I just ignore, but I just felt I didn't know her particularly well enough yet.

Yes you're right that she probably wouldn't have noticed. What a tit I am!

As others say. Just ignore. I have a slightly unusual surname and my brother went round FB friending people with the same name. Quite a few of them then friended me ang at first I accepted and found there were plenty I found annoying/offensive. So I dumped them and now ignore any friend requests from strangers. I doubt they've ever noticed.

I agree your mistake was in explaining yourself. I don't accept requests from randoms either. I just ignore them.

This is very helpful, as I haven't known what to do in these situations. I shall heed the advice given here

Also have it set to only friends of friends can request you

Ignore them. I do it all the time. I did go through a phase of accepting MNer onto my fb, which can be a bit daft if you get carried away with it.

I have just unfriended about half a dozen people as I don't really know them, rarely interact with them in FB, nor on here or in RL and will never ever see them again. I was starting to have a weird sort of connection to the lives of people (some of whom I've never even met and never will) and I had an epiphany where I realised how frankly ludicrous the whole thing was.

I have been rejected by a few and also taken off as a friend, doesn't bother me! I agree with everyone, just reject and forget