Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Help! Dispute with ex, advice please!

15 replies

charlottelilyxo · 14/03/2015 20:04

Hi, (I'm new to this...)
My ex and I have been broke up from basically the birth of our daughter 3 years ago and have both moved on. We've got on alright, although I have never agreed with his parenting skills. We have a court agreement which means he has her every other weekend, but the problem is that he just moved to Wigan (which is nearly 100 miles from where me and my daughter live). He gave me 4 days notice about his move and put me on the spot. He expects me to let our daughter (who's 3) go to Wigan every weekend, on the train. I do not want her being in a whole other county from me, let alone another town. I don't want to stress her out with travelling that far on a train, as he doesn't drive or even work and I will not be dropping her off, as I am self employed and don't have the time, and I also didn't ask him to move to Wigan so I feel as if it wouldn't be my responsibility to cart her around.
What can I do? Does our court order still stand? I won't stop him coming down to see her, but I will not have her going up there at all. I don't think it would be at all best for her. What do you think? What would you do in my situation?

OP posts:
ThingummyJigg · 14/03/2015 20:10

I would let her go, assuming he will be collecting her and bringing her home at his own expense.

I think you need to separate your feelings from your dd's need to see her father. You might not want her that far away, but it's your dd and her needs and wants that are important in this situation.

Will he be able to afford the train fare?

DanaBarrett · 14/03/2015 20:11

It's maybe 1.5hrs on a train? He's not proposing any change in contact, and it's surely up to him what he does in that time? You would need to return to court to alter a court order, if you wanted to reduce his contact.

Original poster
charlottelilyxo · 14/03/2015 20:14

Hi thanks for the reply, it would be worth mentioning he and his mother have made several attempts to gain custody of her. Phoning social services and even taking her off me and locking the doors of their house so I couldn't have her. When I kicked off they said I was too emotionally unstable to look after a child. (social services have never had a problem with me, I may add. I'm a hard worker and I keep a good home for her)

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
RandomMess · 14/03/2015 20:14

I really don't understand why you cannot cope with her being in her Dad's cares? You either think he's capable or not regardless of how far aware they are.

Contact is given because your dd has the right to a relationship with her Dad so I'm afraid you just need to accept that contact will continue although your Ex will have to do all the travelling.

RandomMess · 14/03/2015 20:16

Cross-posts.

He would be looked on very unfavourably if he tried this again. Have you now got a residency order?

Original poster
charlottelilyxo · 14/03/2015 20:17

Okay thanks, I said if he wants her he can take me to court to discuss it. I won't stop him seeing her but she's not going there. And it's not the time he has with her that bothers me, it's hours on a train, the. Bus journeys. What if the train is delayed? What if he doesn't drop her off and expects me to pick her up? I'm just panicking because he has messed me about with things like this in the past.

OP posts:
BaronessEllaSaturday · 14/03/2015 20:17

the court agreement still stands but he will have to do the travelling to pick her up and bring her back.

Original poster
charlottelilyxo · 14/03/2015 20:17

Yes I have x

OP posts:
Original poster
charlottelilyxo · 14/03/2015 20:26

I have a problem because he's tried taking custody of her in the past. And he lives with his mother, and 4 other kids in a 3 bedroom house. She doesn't have her own room there to sleep in, or her own bed. I know its only for one weekend, but I don't like it. I should have been more careful about who I had a baby with, I know that. And I know where you're coming from but I don't want her to be somewhere with a family I don't fully trust.

OP posts:
Original poster
charlottelilyxo · 14/03/2015 20:29

Can I just stress that I will not stop him coming to stay with his brother in telford to see her every other weekend. I'm all for them having a relationship, but I don't trust him or his mother taking her out of town. I'm so sorry if I'm coming off irrational, I'm glad to hear all your opinions though.

OP posts:
Original poster
charlottelilyxo · 14/03/2015 20:30

Note: we don't live in telford but his brother lives about 30 miles from us, it's not a far journey.

OP posts:
DanaBarrett · 14/03/2015 20:33

Then you need to go back to court and discuss your concerns with CAFCASS and the judge. Stopping or placing conditions on the contact will not look good if he is forced to take you back to court because you've stopped contact against a court order. Kids travel all the time, a family I know regularly travels from Brighton to Newcastle with two small kids, they'll have fun on the train, it's a big adventure at that age!

RandomMess · 14/03/2015 20:34

I think you would have difficulty in enforcing him not taking her to his home for a weekend I'm afraid. You could go back to court but tbh I think it would be more a case of him breaking the order for your concerns to be taken into account.

Viviennemary · 14/03/2015 20:39

I think she should go but perhaps not every week. It's not that far but I suppose it's a fair journey for a three year old. I think I'd say every other week is enough.

BlackandGold · 14/03/2015 20:39

I presume that he'll be coming by train to collect her and then take her back for the weekend?
Your original post did sound a bit unsure. What's wrong with her going on the train with him?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page