step daughter coming dirty

[proudmummywife]

Hi I have a 3.5 year old step daughter my husband had her to a girl he had one night stand with. He has always been there for her and pays maintenance but he is afraid to say boo to her mum in case she stops access we have her anytime we want so up to two nyts week when we not working more sometimes. The problem is she doesn't get bathed at home her house is filthy never cleaned her sock be pure black her toenails be filthy and her fingernails her hair ssmells damp dog she asks for bath as soon as she comes to our house. Her clothes be filthy she has sent her to us really sick and hasn't even told us she been vomiting all day she always has a cold always gets thrush always has coldsores . At home her mum has said she starting to wet herself on purpose she never has done this with us? Her mum saisaid she bites her cousins swears takes tantrums refuses to call her mummy sometimes throws thing out shopping we have never seen this. She seems emotional to me if we say no to anything she will sob. Her teeth are wearing away an going bad and her bag she comes with I have found dog poop wit hair round it. It stresses me out and I kno it annoys my husband too but he is afraid say anything as he is afraid it do more harm than good. What would you do?

Phone social services.

SS job op.

What Helen said - phone social services. Now.

X post. Yes. Your husband needs to protect his daughter, you have a duty of care too.

What's the Mother like, as a person-have you met her?

I have met her mum and I find her pleasant as a person and I kno she love the child and child loves her I just don't think she has much parenting skills or common sense I don't want to ruin lives either as she has ten year old too and she doesn't know her father. I kno a couple went social services regarding friends step son and social worker said people are different and your standards are too high. My husband said it's common in that area he knows families there that don't clean and its their lifestyle they not going change just cos we say so.

You must call social services. This sounds like neglect and their mother needs support. From what you've described, this is not because your standards are too high. Please call social services.

As pp say. You need to contact SS, she is being neglected and her needs are not being met. It is worrying that she is ill and not seeing health professionals.

Phone social services and refuse to give her back. I don't know how people can let their children live like that.

Please phone SS. They will be able to make a judgement as to whether you are being reasonable to be concerned, although from what you say this seems to be neglect.

Contrary to the Daily Mail popular belief, social workers dont remove children from their parents unless there is very good reason. In neglect cases, unless there is an immediate risk to the child's safety, they will try to work with parents to support the family.

Is your dss older sister also neglected to the same extent? If so, do you know if her school has raised concerns already with SS?

You sound very concerned about your DSS, so please do what you know is in her best interests.

My ex rang SS on me because my then 3 year old wore odd socks to his house. SS told him to wise up.

But this is so so so much more than high standards. This isn't meeting any standards. SS will investigate. They will offer support.

You say you don't want to ruin lives, but by not phoning you are ruining these childrens lives.

If she is filthy when she gets to you, think about how dirty her bed must be, or what else isn't happening that should be.