Possible abuse, please help

[AlwaysDancing1234]

I dont really know where to start. When I was in primary school my parents divorced and my mother moved us several hundred miles away from my dad and other family.
My mother then had a series of unsuitable men through the house over the following 10 years or so, I left when I was 17.
My mother was mentally and physically abusive to me but recently I'm starting to think there may have been sexual abuse too.
I know it sounds silly that I don't seem to know what happened. I keep having little bits of memories like being told to read and watch indecent material and I have a horrible feeling that "something" else happened I just don't know what. Is it possible that my brain has just blocked it out, whatever 'it' is??
I just don't know what to do. I've always had certain issues with intimacy and feelings of guilt around sex which I can't explain but there must be reasons for it.
Should I investigate this further or just leave it alone?

I can't advise you on how you should react, it must have been terrible for you. I guess a lot depends on how you feel you can move forward with your life. You obviously need someone to talk to since you've come on here. Maybe a call to a helpline?

Thank you bigbird for your reply

Try here for help, OP.

napac.org.uk

Thank you stargirl for the link, I'd not heard of that organisation before, I think they can offer the help I need, thank you so much

Hugs. I doubt you could just let go of these thoughts even if you wanted to. Id suggest reaching out for support as suggested by the others. Keep in mind though that discovering more might take you to a very dark place before you start to see light again.
I wish you the best with understanding what these thoughts are.