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Original poster

Working self employed while off sick from employed job.

57 replies

Kikiw123 · 01/12/2014 21:30

Ok, so as the title says...

I work for a large UK company and over the last 14 weeks I've been off with depression. It's not just my job making me feel this way, it's everything and I can't put my finger on it or know when I will feel better, and back to my old self. I feel like I've lost my confidence and didnt want to get into to trouble at work for making errors.
In August I felt I needed a day to "sort myself out" and called in saying one of the kids was ill. My manager went crazy and demanded I get to work asap. I didnt get to sort myself out and have been off sick since.
The issues I've had have been, parent related (my mum), relationship issues, work stress, children stress and had the worlds worries on my shoulders.
Alongside this job I also do a bit of beauty therapy self employed in my spare time. I enjoy this and find the chat with my clients relaxing.

This is a busy time of year and I really need the extra cash for Christmas. I know that as I'm signed off by the doc I maybe shouldn't be doing the beauty therapy but I've cut back a bit on my clients.

I'm due to take a career break in jan for 18 months as I'm going to make a go of working for myself.

Since I've been off sick I've created a Facebook page and added photos of past work etc and have shared this on my personal Facebook page to get things started for jan.

Today I received a call from my manager demanding a meeting with me this week. Apparently she has had to call HR and wants me in ASAP to discuss.
I think I she's found out about the beauty page and isn't happy.

I'm worried that when i go in for the meeting on Thursday I get the sack. Can they do this with no proof other than a few Facebook shares that I've been working? I'm really scared and feel sick, the way she has spoke to me has out me back to square one.

Ps I've got a union rep helping me on Thursday.

OP posts:
Nydj · 08/12/2014 13:56

I am glad it was ok.

You could get a note from your GP to say you are not well enough to participate in the investigation at this stage if you think that would help.

Original poster
Kikiw123 · 09/12/2014 15:17

This is now getting worse...

I'm feeling so stressed with all this. I've been crying all day and feel sick.
I've been given an appointment I must attend with the company dr. The appointment is over the school Xmas hols so I will need to get child care. It's an early app 20 miles from my home which means travelling in rush hour traffic which I really don't feel up to. My manager is demanding I go as it's on a day I would have been scheduled to work, she also wants to meet up with me on a day I would have been scheduled to work as I should e avail to see her any day she asks whilst I'm off sick.
Can she do this?

OP posts:
InfinitySeven · 09/12/2014 15:40

Is the appointment at or near where you'd usually work?

Does your manager want to meet at or near where you'd usually work?

peggyundercrackers · 09/12/2014 16:06

kikiw in my company a manager can request you attend a meeting with them, I think that's pretty normal for most companies.

Stealthpolarbear · 09/12/2014 16:20

Don't you already have childcare?

theHowlatWooooooCorner · 09/12/2014 16:27

Does your employer know you're leaving in Jan?

peggyundercrackers · 09/12/2014 16:28

in fact in our company a manager must keep regular contact with the person off sick, mostly to help support the person, and if its long term sick they must draw up a plan with the person which shows how they are going to attempt to come back to work showing what kind of support the person is going to get, dates of return etc. etc.

sparklecrates · 09/12/2014 16:28

I support you. Do you think they would hesitate to make the best business decision for themselves? You are allowed to have a hobby business, and I'm sure you can ensure you aren't technically profitable this year. I would consider saying its a hobby and you are openly useing it to rehabilitate yourself and feel confident. Occupational health should back you up on that. Ask them to attend maybe?.

chirrza · 09/12/2014 16:28

I think these days it's often in contracts/sickness absence policies that yes you are obliged to see occupational health if you've been off work sick for a certain amount of time.

I would probably go and see the Dr and ask if contact with you could be via someone in HR in future rather than your manager. I think that would be a reasonable request given your anxiety about dealing with her.

sparklecrates · 09/12/2014 16:30

If you are off with stress its inadvisable for them to demand you attend as this could restart the recovery process. They should certainly make reasonable adjustments.

FATEdestiny · 09/12/2014 16:36

Would it be easier if they conducted the meeting at your house so that you didn't need to travel?

You could request those who will be attending the meeting come to you, rather than you going to them. You should expect your children to be in childcare if this is a day you would normally be working.

Nydj · 09/12/2014 20:42

If you would find it stressful to go and the dr they want you to see then ask for an appointment at a time that would be less stressful or ask them to provide transport i.e. A lift or taxi not reimbursement of cost as the stressful part for you would be getting to the appointment at the time they have asked you to attend.

If your manager asks for a meeting, just say that you are not well enough for that yet. Don't let them make you more unwell.

VegasIsBest · 09/12/2014 22:23

If you've been off sick since August then surely it's entirely appropriate for your manager to ask for a meeting with you to discuss how you are. I don't think you're doing yourself any favours by talking about your manager 'demanding' a meeting. They've asked to meet on a day you're scheduled to work, meaning you'll have normal childcare in place. So what's the problem with a meeting??

Original poster
Kikiw123 · 10/12/2014 12:38

Vegasisbest

I have been calling my manage on a weekly basis and meeting up with her every 3 weeks but now that someone has informed them (incorrectly) that I am doing beauty she is callin me and asking to see me the next day, I I can't make it she asks me why I can't go.

The whole reason I wanted to take the parental leave was because I was stressed and feeling awful, like I was going to have a heart attack. I knew that being off sick I would get this constant questioning from her. It's actually making me feel worse, hence it's easier to take unpaid leave.

OP posts:
chirrza · 10/12/2014 15:08

Go and see their doctor, Kiki. There's a good chance they outsource occupational health and it will be someone completely independent.

Who'll hopefully change their perception from "skiving off work and working on the side" to :- has been made ill from stress levels at work, caused by x, y and z. Has been having treatment/support from GP. Finds the beauty work therapeutic for building up their confidence, starting to socialise again - i.e. is making good efforts to get well again.

Which is all true from what I've read.

Original poster
Kikiw123 · 11/12/2014 00:30

Chirzza
Thank you for the reply.

I really want to go and get this over with but it seems a huge thing for me to out to do. I realise I will need to do it. I had called the union rep a couple of days ago to see if I can ask to do it after Christmas and new yr hols, fingers crossed I can as I just want to have some time off to enjoy with my family and try to destress.
I know that won't happen as I am due to get a letter to go into work for a formal review anytime soon.

I've actually had more stress being off work that being in. Lol.

OP posts:
SoonToBeSix · 11/12/2014 01:02

Kiki you do realise you can't do you beauty in January either if you go onto parental leave.

Original poster
Kikiw123 · 11/12/2014 09:14

I'm actually not able just now think to even think about doing beauty work.
I feel like I'm shaking all the time, I'm having panic attacks and a constant sore head. I want to resign but the union rep has advise against this as I've had 17 years service with my employer.
SoonToBeSix - I was ok to do the beauty in jan as my work knew this and were fine with it.

I'm not starting the parental leave in jan now, I'm going to continue to hand in sick lines until this "investigation" is over with....
How do I cope in the meantime though? I feel worried all the time and can feel myself being a bit off with my family.

OP posts:
chirrza · 11/12/2014 10:18

I think the usual advice is to meet with them and get it sorted because if it lingers, it hangs over you and prevents you getting well. But only really if you're fit to attend those types of meetings and be in a position to be able to put your case across and deal with what may be life changing decisions. I would definitely make sure I had someone with me.

It you are a long-term employee don't resign. It's not as if you've been there for six months and decided you couldn't handle the job. It's a decision you should be making when you're 100% well.

There are quite a few ways you can try to cope with stress - things like CBT, mindfulness cds, sometimes exercise (though don't be tweeting you're at the gym). Maybe have a word with your GP and see what they recommend. If you're feeling really awful now you could try downloading a mindfulness cd - Amazon do them but there may well be some free ones online.

And also try to put it in perspective. You didn't steal anything or hit anybody. You did some beauty work for family and friends, more to lift your mood than anything else.

chirrza · 11/12/2014 12:06

Sorry to keep posting. You might find your employer or their occupational health service provides counselling - there can be a waiting list on the NHS.

Maybe get your partner or a friend to ring up HR and tell them you're in a bad way and do they offer any counselling service. It's usually free to employees. It won't be on work premises.

But do get some support either from a counsellor or from your GP to get you through this.

One of the points I would make is that doing half an hour's beauty work for a friend or family member is in no way comparable to commuting to work, dealing with potentially difficult colleagues and clients, keeping a clear head so as not to make errors and getting through a full day without dissolving into tears.

Original poster
Kikiw123 · 12/12/2014 00:10

Chirrza - thank you for posting.

I appreciate your support and advice. I can't think of anything to say when I meet or call them, my mind goes blank. I feel a bit more positive about dealing with her. Sometimes I think why can't I just get on with it and do what everyone else does; goes to work (full time for some women) deal with a house, husband and children. Be organised. Why can't I?

OP posts:
chirrza · 12/12/2014 14:39

I think depression can have that effect on you unfortunately. I remember when I had it just looking at all the mess in the house and not being able to do anything about it. I hope you manage to get it all sorted and feel a bit better soon Flowers

Original poster
Kikiw123 · 12/12/2014 15:12

Sigh...

I'm having a really awful day today. I was meant to call work for my weekly call yesterday but I couldn't, not after how my manager spoke to me on Tuesday. I ended up awake half the night worrying about it and have been feeling sick all day.
I got a letter asking me for a formal meeting next Thursday but I can't go. It's the kids Christmas parties and I promised to bring them home at lunch and help them get ready. (I've not done this for 2 yes because I've been working) thurs isn't a day I usually work so I knew if be able to do it this yr. there no way I'm missing it to go in there. When I call she will not be happy that;
A. I can't go to the formal meeting next week and
B. I am not going to the dr app she has arranged for me late December. (It's in a busy town centre at 9am 2pm miless away) I will go after the yr when the kids are back at school and after 10 to miss rush hour.
C. I haven't called her

I've tried to call her but I feel physically sick and shake and the thought of speaking to her. Just now I'm sat crying not sure what to do as I'm not even capable of making a decision. What on earths wrong with me!

OP posts:
SoonToBeSix · 12/12/2014 15:19

Sweetheart there is nothing " wrong with you" you are depressed. Can you not get a note from your GP via a telephone appointment then scan the note and email your boss. It sounds like harassment tbh.

SolomanDaisy · 12/12/2014 15:35

Could you email her? Or call your union rep and ask if they can call on your behalf?