Treat her how she treated me, or how i would like to be treated.

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

So.

Imagine I have a broken leg. I was in hospital for it, but now it's getting better. During all this time best friend and housemate acted like I didn't have a broken leg and told others she was ignoring it.

Now, a month later, the same friend had a sprained ankle. She has some of the same medication I had for the broken leg, but is told to have a rest then return to work.

Do I treat her how she treated me (ie what she thinks is an appropriate way to look after someone) or how id want to be treated (ie how I think it's appropriate.
What would you do?

x post - that sounds fine. But be prepared for her being demanding! She sounds quite hard work.

Gareth - yes that's me (and her).

If you are who I am remembering I should think that your ' leg' is still quite delicate. So look after it. It is your priority.

Sorry. X posts

Yep tis me.

Arse she is crying and I hate people crying and I want to make it ok but I know she wouldn't/didn't do it to me.

Right. Music on. Tidying. I'm really really not a bitch. Honestly.

Just to be clear, her ceiling is my floor, I'm not sitting in the same room or anything.

No, you definitely aren't a bitch.

Thinking about it, perhaps she knew that her ankle was getting weak and that was why she felt she had to step back when you broke your leg. Although she didn't say that IIRC

But I feel ( as someone with wobbly legs myself) that you should focus on your own recovery. Not in a nasty way, but in a way that is proportionate to the seriousness of the injury.

And hopefully she will acquire some more empathy.

"I felt hurt when you ignored me when I came out of hospital. I would have liked to have felt you were on my team and able to help me out. Due to this, I'm not sure what sort of help and support you are expecting from me, and I'm not sure what I'm able to give".

I think this sounds great and throws the ball firmly into her court.

Though if she does expect you to treat her differently that she treated you, I wouldn't.

I'm guessing she will have lots to say on how different her situation is from yours and of course she expects lots of support and help from you.

Be cool- yep that's totally it. She will explain that hers is very very different and mine is nothing compared to it, to the point that I then end up questioning it.

Right Gareth, I'm following your wise words and looking after myself right now.

I remember your story too. Can you look for a new houseshare? If it's an option I would put energy into that. After the way she treated you do you consider her a friend anymore? Or just someone you are thrown together with because you happen to share a house? You don't really owe a housemate anything. By her actions I would call her a housemate, not friend.

Clearly I am more infamous than I realised or post too much

I am looking for somewhere else. Due to the requirements of my job I have to live very close to it. (Bizarre stipulation, in my contract). So it's not quite as simple as just upping and moving. Work are happy for me to stay somewhere else temporarily, but have left that as a last resort.

I'm sad it's come to this, we have been close friends for 7 years.

Obviously her ankle? Wasn't as bad as your broken leg! When yours was that bad that you where hospitalised !

What goes around comes around

I said it to her.

She said "I don't really need anything". Cue awkward silence and then her walking out of my room and going to tell other housemates about it.

Well done, I think that was pretty brave of you.

I don't remember many threads, but yours stuck in my mind because you obviously felt that she had kicked you when you were down, and it did seem that way.

You know how mnhq always say ' don't give more than you can afford' meaning emotionally, I think that is v wise.

I reckon you can still renegotiate your friendship if you really want to save it. But I'm not so sure you do? It's okay for a friendship to have a shelf life, IMO.

That is wise. Thank you for remembering it. Yep she wasn't great at that time, and the whole month afterwards got steadily worse.

I'm wavering between feeling great that I felt able to say it and rubbish for saying it.

Yes, tell her that you know that she purposefully ignored your injury!

Off out now, but thank you all for your wisdom.

Feel great that you were able to say it, and feel rubbish that she put you in the position of knowing how supportive (or not) she was to you when you needed a friend. You did well.

I think you did the right thing.

Perhaps she will reflect on her own behaviour and choices and how it feels to be on the other side and will learn from it and be a more empathetic person in future.

Thanks. Will wait and see what happens now (ie if she changes at).