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Original poster

So angry! Dh has spilled the beans re: friends pregnancy. WWYD?

49 replies

Wineorcider · 07/11/2014 20:03

I am beyond furious.

Our friends A& B are expecting a baby and have just publicly announced it after having their 12 week scan.

We have known about the pregnancy for some time, and obviously have been sworn to secrecy. So now our other friends know, and have been ringing us saying how wonderful etc,

And dh responds by saying 'oh, we already knew...'. Angry Angry Angry

Its not just that. Its the fact that this is their second pregnancy. Their first baby died earlier this year a few days after birth, so this is a very scary and sensitive time for them both.

One of the friends he said it to is not good at keeping things to himself, and I'm now petrified he'll say something to A & B when we all go out in a couple of weeks....

Wwyd? Personally I want to own up and apologise to A&B, but don't want to upset them further after what they've been through.

I'm gutted. Absolutely gutted. Please advise Sad

OP posts:
LizzieMint · 07/11/2014 20:55

Why is it a big deal that you knew first? Why does that bit need to be kept secret? It feels like there is something missing from the story and without it, we're all just baffled as to why you think it's a problem.
I get that you were sworn to secrecy but that period of secrecy is now over and surely the secret was the pregnancy not that you knew about the pregnancy?

TooMuchCantBreathe · 07/11/2014 20:56

Ok, so the secret wasn't the pregnancy (as such) but that you knew before anyone else? Why did that bit need to be a secret? How clear was your dh? Could it be passed off as "we already knew - theytheytold us last night"?

Without knowing why it's difficult to say how to handle it tbh. I'd usually go with honesty being the best policy as a general rule though.

slithytove · 07/11/2014 20:57

Ok.

You are annoyed because DH is doing a bit of "they told us first and no one else ha ha we are special". Petty and immature but doesn't break any confidences.

Are you concerned that people upon hearing this may question the pregnant couple as to why you and DH were special?

Because otherwise, and I would be surprised if anyone did the above, I don't think you have anything to be cross at. Embarrassed at his immaturity maybe Grin

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
zzzzz · 07/11/2014 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary · 07/11/2014 20:58

I certainly don't think you should make an issue of it with the couple unless they question you on it. And he did not tell anyone when he'd been told not to. So he didn't spill the beans. Just forget about it.

fluffling · 07/11/2014 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker · 07/11/2014 21:03

WWYD? Nothing. End of.

Bluegrass · 07/11/2014 21:03

Sooooo...he failed to pretend that your other friends found out about this before you did?

And you are "beyond furious"?

Can I just say, FUCK ME YOU SOUND LIKE HARD WORK.

flightywoman · 07/11/2014 21:05

Apols if anyone has already said, surely anyone else would think you had the call before them that's all...

Bowlersarm · 07/11/2014 21:06

OP, you need to apologise to him for being beyond furious.

He kept a secret; now it isn't a secret it doesn't matter. He must be confused by your reaction.

Aladyinsane · 07/11/2014 21:14

Just ask DH to drop the 'we knew' line and explain why you want him to. It's not hard to answer with a 'yes it's great news isn't it!' Without specifying when you found out the news.

I don't think its a massive deal as you are clearly very close to the couple. It's not like you are randomners who knew before the close family members or best friends of the couple. That could be a little awkward.

Original poster
Wineorcider · 07/11/2014 21:23

Crikey....Sad

Shoulda put this in AIBU Grin

We do not think we are any more special to our friends than anybody else. Our other friends have been there for them too.

Our friends are, understandably very sensitive at this moment, so I didn't want to upset them, so if they hear, they might think they can't trust us to keep a secret because we are going to tell everybody we knew it anyway when it comes out...

Not doing very well, am I? Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineorcider · 07/11/2014 21:26

And sorry for dripfeeding, totally forgot in original post, but dh said to other friend we'd known for a few weeks. No confusion there...

OP posts:
PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 07/11/2014 21:30

Sorry, I am a bit confused.

You are annoyed with your DH because, when they made the announcement, you were supposed to pretend to be as surprised as anyone else?

If so, ok, he messed up, but I very much doubt it will be a big deal to them.

Bowlersarm · 07/11/2014 21:30

I think your anger doesn't match up with the situation OP

He didn't give the secret away. You were sworn to secrecy which you both stuck to (more than I'd manage, I hate having to keep a secret). Maybe you should ask him not to say to anyone else that you were the proud keepers of a secret, but I really don't think he's committed the crime you're crediting him with.

Coconutty · 07/11/2014 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NancyJones · 07/11/2014 21:32

I'm going against the flow here.
I think you're all being unnecessarily curt with the OP.
Technically, her DH hasn't spilled the beans but by being silly and letting others know that he and OP always knew he could appear to friends A&B (if other friends mentions it) to be a little less trustworthy than they thought; a by default making the OP seem a little less trustworthy. Again, technically, this may be irrational but egg shells and cotton wool are required in abundance when supporting good friends through a bereavement.

OP, if I were you, I'd take friend to one side at start of big eve together and say DH was a bit of a plonker and blurted to other friend that we'd known for a while. Sorry and I hope it doesn't make things awkward but he kept his mouth shut whilst it was a secret. She probably won't care if her pg is still going smoothly. You could always joke about just telling you next time.

NancyJones · 07/11/2014 21:33

X posts with your last post, OP

zzzzz · 07/11/2014 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 07/11/2014 21:39

It
Doesn't
Matter
If
People
Know
You
Knew

You
Kept
Their
Secret

That
Is
ALL
That
Matters

Coconutty - I know, I am.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 07/11/2014 21:41

You asked WWYD

I would have a large, strong, rum & coke & resolve not to be such a tit in future.

Original poster
Wineorcider · 07/11/2014 21:41

Thanks nancy, yes it is about trust.

Thats it in a nutshell. Thank you. I didn't put it across very well.

Thanks to all replies too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineorcider · 07/11/2014 21:46

Rum and coke it is Smile

Ok, I'll stop being a tit and sorry if I didn't put things across well, but nancy is right about the trust part.

NOT about being above anybody else.
And dh is enjoying his cider...and a hug.

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 07/11/2014 21:51

WWID - nothing, I doubt your other friends will say anything to A&B about who knew what and when, it would be extremely odd and I can't see why on earth it would come up in conversation on an evening out. Do you really think the other friends are going to play a game of top trumps over who knew first and for how long, are they socially inept or uncaring? The evening out is a couple of weeks away do you honestly think this couple are going to store this up and blurt it out at the event, they are going to look very foolish if they do.

If you are really sure they will say something tell your dh to speak to this couple and explain why it would be in very bad taste to say anything to A&B at this time bar congratulations.

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