Single mum - should i contact my baby's dad for support?

[Kaley87]

Hi there,

I just wanted some advice really, I have spoken to friends but I thought maybe advice from people outside of the situation might help.

My baby is now 5 months old, I had only known the baby's dad a little while and we had stopped seeing each other when I realised I was pregnant. I met up with him when I was 8 weeks pregnant to let him know. His response was that he felt he was neither financially or emotionally ready for a baby and wanted me to get an abortion. Abortion was not an option for me. I told him I was keeping the baby so he went on to say all this stuff to try and persuade me such as he is half Moroccan and his family would disown him if they found out he had had another baby outside of marriage, (however he already has a 12 year old son with a previous girlfriend) and there was a birth defect gene in his family.

It was left that he didn't want me to contact him with information about the baby, but that if he changed his mind he would contact me. I said that if he did contact me that would be it, he had to be there for the baby, not come in and out.

Anyways, I have not heard from him, as I expected. But now my daughter is 5 months old, I'm finding it increasingly hard to cope financially.

I know it was my choice to keep the baby knowing he would not be there, but should I contact the child maintenance people to make him pay for our baby?

I have tried talking to friends about it but they all have their own life stories which effect their opinions. My single mum friends say don't contact him, life is easier without a waste of space dad around. Then other friends say I should contact him as hearing about the baby might change his mind.

My family don't want me to contact him as they are angry about him refusing to be involved. I don't want to rock the boat with my family as they have been so supportive, but that doesn't help me with the money situation.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any advice for me? It's been going round and round in my head for a while now.

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long story!

Have you looked into what benefits you might be entitled to?

You could contact CSA I've not done it myself but I think it can be a long process and the amount you receive depends in how much he earns or how much he claims to earn if he is self employed etc

As someone who has been through similar where ex did not want to be involved, I found it hard to accept to financial support at first but eventually got used to it and I just have to be careful with money. Ex changed his mind when DC was 2 and a half and contacted me saying he wanted to be involved and has been a handful of times in the last 8 months and mostly played on his phone so it's pretty pointless in my opinion he hasn't offered to pay anything for DC and I'd rather go without than accept his money tbh