Hi - I'm new to Mumsnet and would like some advice as I have some concerns about my marriage.
My husband and I have been happily married for 30 years and have been blessed with three very successful (and now grown-up) children who left home in the mid-2000s.
He, a successful accountant, has always provided for the family and has been a good role model for my kids. We have been fortunate to enjoy a very happy family life, although he has always had to work long hours (which I appreciate as it supports our comfortable lifestyle). Due to the nature of his job (working for government intelligence) he has to work abroad, often secretly, for weeks at a time which can create strains, but nothing we have not been able to get over in the past.
Our relationship has always been very tender and loving and affectionate until recently (his suave demeanor is very attractive and we would, up until 2004, enjoy physical intimacy 10-20 times a week - keeping "the spark" through different creative methods).
However, since 2004, we have been intimate only 7 times (mostly in his sports car) and never in the bedroom (although that's where we always used to be intimate).
Whenever I initiate bedroom intimacy he makes excuses (like needing to urgently return to duties or fly out to Austria - which is not as automatically bizarre as it may seem due to his highly classified job).
Last year, I found red lipstick on the collar of his tuxedo, which he passed off as just the drunken attentions of a colleague that he put down. As I trust him implicitly, I believe him (although it left me slightly shaken and stirred). Six months ago, whilst he was working in Hong Kong, he mistakenly left his cell phone at home. Worried by the lack of intimacy and the lipstick, I (rightly or wrongly - as it was for his eyes only) checked his text messages. I found one from someone called "Honey" which read 'without you, the world is not enough'. This scared the living daylights out of me.
I've not challenged him about this as he has always been attractive to other women and it could again be unwanted attention. And, I don't necessarily think he has done anything wrong.
But should I just him and stop worrying (as the worry is affecting our relationship), or should I challenge him?... It feels like the sky is falling down sometimes.