should I tell them I'm pregnant?

[Mangobubbles]

So, one my siblings is currently going through their 6th and final round of IVF. If this fails, they will start the adoption process. I am currently 5 weeks pregnant with our third child. We haven't told anyone. With previous 2 DC we told close family before 12 week scan as, if anything had gone wrong, we would also have told them. We will see my sibling several times before our scan and they will keep us updated with their IVF cycle. I don't want to lie to them but I also don't want to tell them something that will obviously be very difficult for them at such a sensitive time. I have never posted on MN before but I really need advice and I can't speak to anyone in real life. Any help or advice would be so gratefully received. Thank you.

Hi There,
I wanted to start off by saying Congratulations and that you sound like a very thoughtful person .

It is a tricky situation most definitely. My good friend was in a similar position with a family member. She told just her family member with the support of hers and there other half there, a few weeks before telling the rest of the family so as to allow the news to sink in and give them privacy in their reaction before the rest of the family were a flurry with baby news. her family member was really pleased for them.

Speaking from the point of view of someone who has (although not the same situation as your sibling) potentially a infertility issue and also recently lost a baby, if i was your sibling I would still want to be told.

I really understand you not wanting to hide things from them and you feeling you are doing so with seeing them in the coming weeks and keeping quiet. However I recommend leaving it just for a few weeks to allow things to settle, especially if you have just found out yourself. Also id imagine there is a cut off for them to find out if the I.V.F round was successful, you never know they may have joyous news in a couple to few weeks too!. If it isn't successful it gives them that bit of time to come to terms with it a little first. Then you can work out (as best you can) a good setting to tell them in and explain regarding waiting to tell them the above. I think they will appreciate your thoughtfulness and how sensitive you are trying to be.

Only you can know if they would want to be told sooner rather than later though. I'm sure as hard as it may be to hear they will still be pleased. I know that's not your question though, just the best way to go about things. Feel free to pm me anytime, as only so much i can say on here.

I really wish you well in your pregnancy and hope all goes well telling them
XXXX