New Bf while expecting?

[christmasmammy]

To cut long story short, poor babies dad is an absolute d**k. He's a volatile, bad tempered, controlling alcoholic who I was forced to leave at ten weeks pregnant. He regularly smashed the house, and my possessions up and flew of the handle at anything. I've recently found out that the police were involved for violence with his previous girlfriend. (I did post on the site a while back asking for help as he was threatening to go for custody which panicked me as he is a really dangerous person). He hasn't tried sending any money or anything for his child who is due December and is simply living the life of Riley drinking and having a new gf every week.

I'm now 31 weeks pregnant and have been seeing an old friend on a night. We've been friends for years and did date very briefly as young teenagers. He's told me he would like to give it a go with us again and that he's not bothered about me being pregnant with someone else's baby, or by the fact he's going to be around another man's baby a lot. He's a really genuinely nice lad yet I'm still torn what to do.

What do you ladies think is right?

I'm very tempted to give it a go but I'm worried it might backfire. For one babies bio dad will try to make his life hell and I don't want him getting hurt.
Is it also too good to be true for him to genuinely not be phased by being around another man's baby?

I say go for it with this friend, you deserve to be happy and your baby deserves to have a positive male influence around.

If your ex becomes a problem you will have to cross that bridge when you come to it, you say he has had previous involvement with the police due to behaviour towards an ex, so any sign of anything untoward and I would be making the situation clear to the police.

For peace of mind, it might be worth a visit to your local citizens advice for free information in relation to your/his rights. I would presume given his history the chances of him getting custody would be small.

Has he been in touch with you a lot since you left? Aside from his threat.

He tried to kick his way into my house so I had to call the police myself on him. By the time they got out he'd gone home and locked himself in. He sent abusive text messages for a while after so I had to change my phone number. But he's been trying to get anybody who'll listen to believe he's the victim and that I'm making things up. He's knows where I'm living and has never come to ask how baby is doing or anything like that.

I think you should keep the phone with the abusive messages on it, if you still have it. You've called the police so they should have a record of their visit and I'm sure neighbours must have heard him.

How awful for you, so sorry you are having to deal with this!

I have. I've kept everything from his suicide threats to the abusive messages. I'm quite glad he's stayed away for now.
I'm just worried he starts causing trouble now xx

I think if you'd only just met the new guy it might be different, but as you've known him for a long time if could be worth a shot. It sounds like he knows what the situation is with your ex so it's not as if you'd be hiding anything from him.