Rude womam

[ohweeeell]

I have a group of ladies I go out with from time to time, we met at a club where we do our hobby and a few years ago, a Christmas might out was organised and we continued to meet up for dinner/drinks once per quarter ish. I enjoy meeting up with them.

There is one woman I'm the group who is quite forthright in her opinions and views, which is fine, however my she has "cut out" a few people from the group, which I find rude. I.e. If they have canceled last minute she has taken them off the invite list next time, which I find a bit odd. She isn't in charge, people have things in life which come up and other priorities.

I have driven to a few of the gatherings, for 2 main reasons, 1 - I have a toddler and husband who works all weekend, so I have to be up with toddler from 6.30, a hangover isn't entirely ideal. 2 - as we have a toddler snd I work part time, money can be a bit tight, I still want to go to the meal, but not drinking makes it cheaper, I don't have to pay for a share of a £30 bottle of wine, it also saves paying for taxis.

Any time I turn up with the car this woman has a problem with it, this irritates me, I am not affecting her or her ability to drink, she always asks why I've brought the car, I just say 6.30 with a toddler amd a hangover isn't great fun and laugh it off, then continue with evening.

The last time we met up she was disgruntled I had brought the car "you haven't brought the car AGAIN have you?" This irritated me to start with as she goes on about it. We then moved on to arranging our next meet up, she suggested we go to an expensive hotel and stay the night. I said I would join them for the meal (in the expensive hotel) but I wouldn't stay. Then she started interrogating me "why not?" I explained I have a toddler (all of the other women in the group either have no children or their children are grown up and no longer live at home) and that by husband works weekends so I couldn't stay the night in a hotel (that I couldn't afford but didn't mention this) as I would need to be home in the morning for my husband leaving for work.

She then went on further "can't your dd stay at your mums? Can't your mum stay at your house and watch her? Can't your dd stay at your mils?" All sorts of suggestions, I tried to laugh it off and said it was just a bit difficult to organise with my husbands weekend work, she then told me it wasn't difficult at all and asked how other people manage weekends away and I cant.

At this point I got quite annoyed and was very snippy with her. I was annoyed with myself for getting snippy with her but she kept poking and poking me and I was fed up with trying to politely respond.

It was all a bit awkward after that and things have been fairly quiet. Fast forward to today and she sends an email about arranging a catch up and says she hasn't wanted to get in touch before because "it was proving difficult to try to arrange before" this is clearly a reference to me (saying it was difficult for me to manage the hotel stay, I only said I wouldn't be staying no reason for the rest not to go ahead). Anyway, I have avoided the next meet up, I had just let this go but now this woman is bringing it up again I am tempted to have a word with her and explain I don't appreciate being questioned. This email has irritated me as she is implying I was making things difficult, I wasn't, I merely said I couldn't stay over but would go to the meal, what's so hard to understand?

So, sorry for long post and thank you if you have stuck with me this long, should I say something to hear or leave it? It's the implication that I am being difficult which irritates, making out to the group things can't be arranged because of me. They can be, I just made it clear what I would be able to participate in!

she sounds awful. i would do exactly as you intend and I understand perfectly about weekend work. have you any other people in the group you can sound out.

did no one else stand up for you when she was cross questioning you.

The problem is hers, not yours. I know it must be tempting to tell her to get stuffed, I think anything you say to defend yourself will be taken by her as proof that you are 'difficult' and just lead, ultimately, to you being more frustrated and annoyed. I would try and turn the other cheek if you can and don't engage. For example in response to 'other people' being able to arrange nights away a simple ' really?' or 'do they?' and then a change of subject, or turn to talk to someone else, stops her being able to bully you.

Strange behaviour from her, and I don't blame you for getting a bit snippy! If I were you I'd "Reply to All" ASAP (to indicate your enthusiasm) something along the lines of "I really enjoy get-together dinners and am available x,y,z. I wouldn't want to make an overnight of it, but am always up for a great meal!" There may be others who want to opt out of the overnight stay, too, and your reply could prompt them to reply in similar vein.

She sounds bat shit crazy.

In my experience, turning the crazy questions round on the questioner can diffuse the situation. If she asks again about the car, just say "is that a problem? Do you not like it when people drive?" Or "does it make a difference?" And you never know, she might actually give a reason for this bizarre fixation.

I'm sorry you have to put up with her, it sounds tedious.

Just say your on medication or have a reason why you don't drink

Does she always drink a lot? She sounds like she wants others to get drunk with her to justify her doing so. I know someone like that who doesn't see the point of going out if ur not going to get plastered. Personally I grew out of that mentality after uni! I'd ignore her, think the idea about an enthusiastic reply to all is a good one.

Thank you all for your responses!!

I replied saying I couodnt make the date suggested but please go ahead without me and I will definitely be sure to make the next one. Aside from this situation, I do genuinely have a lot of things on, family wise over the next few months so one more thing would be a stretch.

I will definitely remember your points about turning questions back on her! Good tactic

She definitely enjoys a drink and has been disgruntled with others who haven't been drinking, one of the girls was on a detox on one of the evenings so was very partial about what she was eating and she wasn't drinking alcohol, she was branded as "boring" I just don't get why it affects anyone else.

Very much appreciate the advice ladies, I bumped into one of the other ladies shortly after who told me she was glad the hotel thing didn't come off a she didn't want to go. None of the other ladies said anything at the time, but to be fair, they were carrying on their own conversations and wouldn't have heard all of our discussion, until the end when of course, I got snippy and the tone changed. The lady I bumped into asked what had happened and when I explained she agreed with me and said just to ignore her.

It's funny because I was telling a friend about this and she said "your DH working every weekend must be really annoying for you" In all honesty, I'm used to it, would I prefer he was off? Yes, but that's not the nature of his work, I'm used to it now, it's having to be questioned/explain it to other people which irriates me more. Thanks all!!!