So its my partners birthday coming up. As we haven't been able to do much the Past year or so because of money I thought it would be nice to surprise him with a party. His sister usually organizes him a party or meal at her fathers house, although no plans had been spoken of this year so I spoke to his sister about holding him a party there, as most people that attend the party's know where his sisters and fathers house is and its much easier to reach than ours. Also our place is genuinely too small to fit in the usual people that are invited to family party's as its a big family. She said the date I suggested wasn't convenient due to money. I said if it was a case of money I would pay for the party she said no we cant have you do that and said they would put money towards it (which is more than fair). Then she said they didn't really want to have a party on the date suggested as they are having a party three weeks later (which we would be invited to) so they don't want to have a party on the earlier date for his birthday, then there party, as people will get bored.
I said Ok maybe we could combine the two (Just as an idea) so the party for him would be on the same day as there party already planned if that was better. She said ok, yh we could, I could make him a themed cake that fits in with the party were having (she usually does make him a cake and had planned to make him a cake for earlier in the month but it clashed with another commitment so i thought it was her way of still getting make him his cake). She said about not having birthday decorations though as the themed decorations will already be up. Then asked who would I like to invite and reminded me her Father doesn't like people coming into the house he doesn't know (which is fair enough) and to invite people she gets on with. She doesn't like some of mine and my partners mutual friends for one reason or another and the tone in which she said it made me feel that was also meant as a reminder. I thought to save an atmosphere just to stick to the usual family members/friends of family and named the people I would like to invite (which are the same people that are attending the party that is already planned). She then added on more people to the Guest list of people going which was fine by me as it was originally there party. I thought of two people after I spoke to her but waited to hear back regarding it being OK to combine the two party's.
Her father said it was fine. I had had an idea of a theme which I know my partner would love and spent a day or so looking up the theme and getting resources for where I could find the stuff. Any additional decorations/items i planned to pay for as they were not going to originally be part of the party. I also thought to make some cakes and cookies to fit in with the theme of the party for the children attending (which I also planned to make). I spoke to his father and he said it was all a good idea and said speak to the sister. She was busy though so I said id speak to her another time she said well what did you want to talk about i just said i wanted to get an idea of what im doing as once im payed im not payed again till the day of the party she said well put money aside. i was trying to politely find out how much im expected to contribute and she said about putting about 100 in.
I was surprised as aside from the two extra people I have invited (which are family members and sister said was expected anyway) the people that are going are the same people that were going to the party that was already being planned. The decorations that are being used are the ones that were already being used. It wont be any of the ideas I had as i spoke to her about it all she didn't seem too keen and the ideas I wanted to do would have meant for more work for her. I offered to come over to help get ready for the party she said no. I offered to make the cakes and cookies, she said I wasn't planning on doing anything like that and i said as it was my idea i would be happy to make them. She said no leave that to me. which is again leaving more work for her to do which will mean her getting stressed. So there is no point in doing the cakes or things i planned. From what I can understand, aside from the cake she offered to make, it wont resemble a birthday party, that will just be added in on the invites.
I have had an unexpected expense come up since then and spoke to her and politely said i would save the ideas for the theme for another party when I have the money to go ahead and do it properly and to just leave it as it is as she was originally having the party that date. she is still treating it as a joint party and expects to me put in a fair bit of money. I don't mean to sound mean or tight as I have no problem at all contributing to a party that is a joint party. But as i said i have only ended up inviting two additional people (to keep her and the father happy )to the party that was is going ahead in the same fashion and was going ahead before i suggested a party . Am I missing something?. I'm thinking to say to leave it as the original party that they were having as except for the cake it would be no different. But i feel now although i have had other financial things come up if i don't contribute i will just piss her off and cause an atmosphere for my partner. So im thinking just to pay to keep the peace. WWYD???