Half WWYD and half 'have I done it right' - re: dd and AF

[muuum29]

I know everyone with dd's has to deal with this but think I've cocked up a little bit and want to check I'm handling this ok. DD is 11, young Y7, and has just started her periods - but she didn't tell me. (was putting a wash on after she'd gone to school and saw some marked pants in there so that's how I knew). Was very torn what to do, as dd is very ditsy by nature and I wasn't sure if she even knew or had just got changed without paying any attention (seriously, she could grow two heads and would only notice if someone else pointed it out) and is very sensitive so I didn't want her to notice and panic or leak and someone else tease her.

I ended up phoning the school and (sensitively) explaining the situation and that I needed to come and drop some pads off. I went up at break and, although I hadn't asked them to, one of the school pastoral team had already nipped her out of her lesson and given her some pads, which I think had embarrassed/thrown her a little but am not complaining, think they did it as sensitively as possible. Am glad I went though as she was about worried about exactly what to do, wasn't sure she'd put the pad on right and was quietly pleased to have a (very quick and I made sure none of her friends saw) hug from mum. I gave her some pants I'd already put a pad into so she just had to nip in the loo and change then reassured her that would do fine until she got home.

Should point out this shouldn't have come as a complete shock to her, we've talked at different points (age appropriately) about periods etc, she knows where my sanpro is etc, but I didn't go so far as to actually go over the practicality of taking spare pants, practicing putting a pad on etc which is completely my fault, I meant to this summer but we've had a lot of changes in the family and this got missed, which I think is what threw her and why she got too embarrassed to mention it before school.

So firstly did I do the right thing and should I do the whole hands on demonstration bit when she comes home (at after school activity until 5.30) or be more 'there's some sanpro, let me know if you want to talk' about it? Bearing in mind dd is young for her age so IMO would appreciate the more direct approach but not sure if I'm being too protective?

Sorry the OP was so long but would appreciate some advice, feel like I've messed up not preparing dd enough!

I would definitely go with the more direct, this is how you do it approach. Then at least you know you have shown her properly.
I need to do this with my Yr7 DD as although she has been carrying a pencil case with pads, pants and wipes for about 2 years (after a bit of a scare in Yr4!) her friends are just starting and I want to make sure she really knows what to do if she starts at school, especially as high school is very different to primary.

So, did she not have anything on at all then. Just pants no pad? And you think it must have strayed yesterday?

I don't know if I'd have gone to the school. Would have let the pastoral team deal with it and then speak to her when she got home.

Really?

Well I wouldn't have phoned the school or gone up there for starters. And I'm not sure that anybody needs a practical demo with sticking a pad in.

Just get her a supply of them , keep it topped up , buy her an age appropriate book about periods and tell her to shout you of she has any issues

That's about all you need to do. Going up the school sounds like overkill to me

Sorry to only reply now, I read replies on my phone but couldn't actually type out anything before, doing dinner and talking to dd. Yep, all she had was pants on, I'd shown her where my sanpro was in case of emergencies but hadn't actually expected her to start any time soon, as I didn't start until 15 and we've had no warnings or scares. Think it may have started overnight and she changed her pants in the morning. Maybe I did the wrong thing going up to school but wanted her to have a clean pair of pants and wasn't sure she'd be confident about putting a pad in and dealing with it all herself. She's had a period/body book for ages but it only covers the internal goings on and what pads/tampons look like etc, not how the two go together!

As it was when she got home I gave her the teen sanpro I'd bought and we had a chat and she asked me to show her how to put a pad in so didn't really have to decide for her there. Think the problem is the maturity differences - she's so young for her age that there seems to be the need to spell everything out for her, I know some of her friends who would work out almost anything by themselves but dd needs a bit more hand holding, which is why I'm kicking myself I didn't do it earlier. My mum never had any input with me starting AF, I worked it all out with the help of an Always book but dd is very different it seems. Have made up a make-up bag with spare knicks, pads and wipes now though for her to keep on her. In hindsight feetheart would definitely recommend the direct approach, especially as the only teen/small sanpro I could find had wings and that foxed dd a little, getting everything stuck in the right place Thanks for all the help.

I missed the bit about her needing extra help and being young for her age.

You've done just fine

I think you had to go up to school - you didn't know they would deal with it, you thought you needed to. Bless her, it all sounds fine to me.

You did fine - (although by going up to the school you probably did her friends out of the chance to take her to the school nurse and skive out of lessons. DD and her friends vie to be the ones to accompany a girl 'caught short'- especially on swimming day which is universally loathed.)

Thanks everyone, and yes I remember the almost fight in school to help anyone who needed to go somewhere else but a lesson or swimming I once volunteered to help put books in order in the library (someone had broken in overnight and trashed the place) so I'd get out of a swimming lesson and was grinning ear to ear throughout.