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Original poster

Boyfriend buying a place - how much rent should I pay?

29 replies

paintedfences · 20/09/2014 11:07

My boyfriend is buying a place and would like me to live with him - we live together in rented accommodation at the moment, the buying place is in the same city, a very popular place to live so prices are high.

Mortgage would be 800 per month - at the moment we pay the same in rental, 400 each. My question is how much rent is reasonable to pay? It's further out of town than where we are now so will be harder for me to get to work, and I'll be helping do the place up though not paying for any materials. I don't want to pay 400 for what is essentially a more awkward location, but I'm not sure what's reasonable - what do you think is the right amount?

I could ask to go in on the buy if I wanted, I know he'd be happy for me to. I'm just scared to in case we then break up (I have commitment issues). We both work full time, he's lovely etc - it just doesn't feel right to me, so I'm staying out.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 20/09/2014 11:11

If it doesn't feel right stay put.

fairyfuckwings · 20/09/2014 11:13

If you're thinking that if you split up you'd just walk away empty handed then I would say half the interest element would be fair.

Original poster
paintedfences · 20/09/2014 11:16

Ah, sorry - I mean me going in on the buy doesn't feel right, which is why I'm not - I don't mind moving in to a place that he's going to buy.

I cant stay put, as we live together now in rental and I couldn't afford the whole place on my own, so I'd need to move anyway. Just looking for how much would be reasonable to pay toward the new place.

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sunbathe · 20/09/2014 11:16

I wouldn't move somewhere that was more awkward for work and would cost the same as I pay now.

Would he buy this place if you weren't going to live with him?

rainbowinmyroom · 20/09/2014 11:17

I'd stay out for now. Commuting is a bitch, stressful and costly.

rainbowinmyroom · 20/09/2014 11:18

Find another flat or share in the same place.

WasWats · 20/09/2014 11:18

Why are you not asking him what rent he expects a tenant to pay?

Original poster
paintedfences · 20/09/2014 11:25

Ah, okay - well, it's really that where I live now is super jammy - I can walk to work in 15 mins. New place will be a 30min walk (more awkward, but as I'm starting from really lucky it's not too bad).

I've not asked him how much he wants as neither of us have ever bought before and I just want to get some perspective from those who have done. I was thinking maybe 300 or 350 down from 400 would be fiar.

OP posts:
sunbathe · 20/09/2014 11:28

Why not have a look at a rentals agency to see what you could get for that price?

I think it's too much for s shared house, particularly when your boyfriend will be gaining an asset and your labour in doing up the house.

ThisBitchIsResting · 20/09/2014 11:33

Could he afford the mortgage on his own? Or is he reliant on you paying rent to afford it?

You are right to be concerned I think. It puts huge pressure on your relationship to work out. From his point of view, he needs you, and from yours, you won't be his financial equal any more.

gamerchick · 20/09/2014 11:33

Could you not keep the place you're In now on and get somebody to share?

You really should be discussing money with him though and work something out.

gamerchick · 20/09/2014 11:35

Or you could always tell him you're thinking of staying on as a way to open a discussion on the whole thing.

Original poster
paintedfences · 20/09/2014 11:37

He's been wanting to buy for a long while, it's just quite difficult round here as he's obviously a first time buyer in a very hot market - he's doing his best to find a place I like too as he wants me to live with him, so he is looking for places that work for us both but as we're in a such a good place now, everywhere else is more awkward really.

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 20/09/2014 11:38

I'd really think long and hard about your fear of committing to a mortgage. If you're scared of being more closely tied financially to him, then why are you living together at all? If you're just scared of financial commitment full stop, then that's a very expensive irrational fear that you need to address.

LIZS · 20/09/2014 11:40

why would you consider buying into somewhere not of your choice ?

purplemurple1 · 20/09/2014 11:44

I'd work out half the rent for it in its current state and start from there. If you will be doing or living through building works it should be reduced. Bit this is really looking at it as a tennant rather than a gf.
Also depends a bit are you a long term couple and can he afford it alone?
Personally as a gf I'd just go in on the buy as joint owners so it is clear you get your share if you split so you remain financial equals and equal in the home. I live in partners house and it can be hard to remember for day to day living it is ours not his.

Original poster
paintedfences · 20/09/2014 12:04

Yes, he can afford it alone - we talked last night and I said I was worried about him being able to afford it if we split up, but he said please not to worry about that, that it shouldn't be a reason to stay together. He truly is lovely. I'm just terrified.

House is in good nick, move-in-able immediately, just needs making nice, decorating and so on.

OP posts:
northernmummeh · 20/09/2014 12:08

Tbh if I had commitment issues I wouldn't be moving in, let alone pay rent which is essentially helping him getting equity in bricks n mortar further down the line. If I'm paying rent and therefore helping him pay his mortgage off then I'd be asking to be put on the mortgage too.

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 20/09/2014 12:17

When my now husband bought a house I moved in and he paid the mortgage and I paid half the bills. Now we're married we pay half the mortgage each. Would he be happy with that kind of arrangement?

Viviennemary · 20/09/2014 12:18

I think around £250-£300 a month rent would be reasonable. You have decided not to go on the mortgage but he is quite willing for you to do so. That sounds fair to me. Because if you rent a place of your own you would be paying that anyway.

TheAwfulDaughter · 20/09/2014 12:27

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Nerf · 20/09/2014 13:22

Rent and bills? I don't know it's hard because if you were a bloke moving in, I wonder what the advice would be?

TheAwfulDaughter · 20/09/2014 13:42

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IfNotNowThenWhen · 20/09/2014 14:53

OP, this all sounds really confused. I would not in a million years move in with a man, into a house he was buying, and pay him rent. I would only do it if I were on the mortgage.
However, I am old and decrepit wise. You sound young, and when I was young, what you are planning to do is probably exactly what I would have done.
I just wish I had had some old gimmer like me to give me a shake.
If you love this man, and envisage a future together, then go all in, as far as the house goes, and get yourself on the mortgage.
If you don't really love him, then consider not moving in at all, and also consider what you reallly want.
If he wants a really committed relationship, and you don't, and never will with him, then it's not fair to keep him dangling, and you should let him find someone who wants the same thing.
Sometimes situations like this are good for making us really think about how we truly feel.

rainbowinmyroom · 20/09/2014 14:56

WTF is with all these adults living with a partner like flatmates who fuck?

Either buy together a place you BOTH want or rent somewhere on your own, at least a normal landlord-tenant relationship is more straightforward.