Sorry if I sound grumpy when writing this, but I'm not feeling well.
It's DH's dad's funeral on Wednesday. I'm Jewish, he isn't (although neither of us are religious) but there is a vicar doing the ceremony. DH's sister (who seems to be stuck in the anger stage of grieving) has told me, via DH, not to get involved, so I don't feel I can ask anything about etiquette. In case this makes DH sound bad, I have told him to do whatever makes his sister happy until after the funeral, so if she doesn't want me involved, despite being part of the family for over 20 years, then I won't.
SIL wants my DD (aged 7) to release a balloon which says Grandad on it. That's fine. But what does DD say when she releases it? Does she say something like a poem, a prayer, 'I miss you Grandad' ? If you've ever been to a Jewish funeral you will know why I don't have a clue! I should also say that she wasn't close to her Grandad, despite him only living around the corner, that DH's parents have never made any effort with her, which is fine, but she can't say something gushing about him or how her heart is empty or she will miss him desperately.
I am sorry if I sound hard, but I want to do it right for DH, DD & her Grandad. (And I don't want to get in trouble from SIL.)