MIL nasty comments

[Bambamboom]

I just don't know what to do anymore, it's not even just my mil, my father in law is just as bad!
We have battled with my dps difficult parents for years now but just as you think you're getting somewhere and they are starting to respect their son as an adult they start up again.
Went to see them the other day and mil was very sickly sweet, though it a bit odd but hey at least she was being nice! Then I pop to the toilet before we leave and come back to hear the end of one of her rants about dps weight you'll need to
Lose that if your consultant is worried about your heart (which he isnt, dp had a virus that affected his heart temporarily and was given meds and is now FINE) she poked him in the stomach and glared at him. It's sick. Why would you speak to your son like that? He's a 36 inch waist ffs, he's hardly fat.
It's that along with "well you want a promotion, DONT YOU?" And " oh why don't you let me dress your daughter, I like to see her dressed properly"
And everything else, constant nasty little digs, I think she waits for me to leave to get them in, is she just being a "naggy/caring mum" or is she just nasty?
I don't know

What does DH think? Is he bothered?

Have you thought about rat poison?

She probably doesn't even realise she's doing it, it's such a deep seated habit.

Challenging it outright is the best tack. You can say something like "did you mean to sound so rude?" or "did you mean to say something that sounds so hurtful/ insulting/ undermining?"

If she knows she'll be pulled up on it every time, she may stop doing it. However, she'll change tack and do something else equally obnoxious instead. People like that do.

It does bother dp, but he's put up with it is entire life. I'm more concerned about my dd having the same comments chucked at her as she gets older.
Maybe she is just a worried mum but it isn't like he's unhealthy or anything or that he isn't doing well at work etc either way he's 27, surely she should have let go of telling him what to wear, eat and do by now?
Or do mums never really stop doing that?
She would probably have a total meltdown if pulled her up on it. She said dps ex was a "nasty bitch" because she wouldn't play the famy card games after dinner for gods sake id be the dil fr hell if I said anything remotely challenging.
Hmmm

Don't see her. Much easier.

Can I recommend this book?

Your MIL sounds a piece of work and you need to be aware of the dynamics of her behaviour so that you can manage it most effectively (if you continue to see her).

Stand up to her. Don't be rude but don't let her get away with it either. She sounds like a bully and the only way to cope with them is to stand up to them.

WRT her comments on your dps weight/ health, just say 'actually his weight is perfectly healthy and his heart is fine'. Keep repeating it even if she carries on sniping. Or you can rephrase her rude comment into something acceptable like 'I think your mum meant to say that you're looking trim and she's pleased your heart is fine, I don't think she meant to sound so rude'.

ExMIL is one of these. It's awful. She genuinely thinks being a complete bitch is how to show she cares. I spend a lot of my time reassuring my daughters about their appearance whenever they've been to visit her.
I called her on it. She's never changed and hates me with a passion.

Yup, call her on it.

And none of the 'did you mean to be so rude?' - no, more along the lines of be just as blunt as her. They dish it out, they can take it.

'MIL, stop speaking to me/DH in that rude way/stop making nasty personal comments. If you can't wise up and start treating us with respect, we're going to stop visiting, because we don't want DD hearing this kind of talk and thinking it's ok.'