Car seat and not being fastened in

[ShowMeShowMeTheWine]

Disclaimer, not brave enough for AIBU!

Friends of our have always struggled with their dd (2.5) in the car and keeping her happy/entertained.
A while ago the dh said they'd been having problems with keeping her strapped in. We had a quick chat about it and to be honest I thought nothing more about it.
A week later I was with my friend at the park and as she went to leave I saw her put her dd into the car seat and only fasten it across her lap. It's a proper 5 point car seat but she didn't bother with the shoulder straps.
I mentioned it and she brushed it off saying she was always escaping and nothing they could do so didn't bother anymore.

So, I'm afraid my judgey pants were beyond giving me a wedgie at this point but I was a bit so didn't say anything else.
When we got home I sent her a link to a few products I'd seen like the houdini to prevent them escaping the straps and she said it was a good idea.
Saw her yesterday putting dd into seat again and still not using the shoulder straps. She was talking to me and her dd leaned forward out of her seat and opened the door so they don't even have the child locks on.
I am beyond shit at saying anything in these situations but I can't stop thinking about it. I'm more than prepared to be told I'm just being nosy and to let them get on with it but what would you do? Say something? Leave it?
Help!

I would mention that if the child is sufficiently bold/exploratory to release herself from the car seat then she is just as likely to open the car door. You cannot leave it. If they then choose to ignore you, that is another matter.

I've got to say something havn't I? Oh god, I hate things like this.

But if that child gets hurt in an accident, you'll never forgive yourself, so...

I would definately say next time that it looks like she needs the child locks on, maybe even show her how to do it. I would also suggest to her that not strapping the child in across the shoulders that if they got in an accident that child is going to go into the back of the chair, maybe its not fitted correctly if she can get her arms out. But at 2.5 consostensy is important as is safety and showing the child who is boss

(Sorry for spelling mistakes, fat fingers on tablet!!)

How new is her car? A lot of the newer cars the doors lock when the car starts.

No excuse for not putting her straps on though.

I have quite a few friends who put the straps on their children so loosely it scares me, I've said about it, but they all say 'it's fine' and that I do them up too tight. I don't. :( I hope you can get through to your friend.

It is the driver's responsibility to ensure that children under the age of 14 years are restrained correctly in accordance with the law.

Perhaps point out this - they are breaking the law, not to mention that their child will be the one to bear the brunt of any accident they are in.

My friend does that with his DS who is also 2.5 along with a load of other neglectful reckless things. From our conversations he is very aware of what can happen but still chooses to parent like this. IME people are usually aware of the dangers but if they have a DC who is in charge then they're not going to insist on something that their DC is not happy with.

People just don't take car seats seriously.

I have a 6 and a 9 year old and not one of their friends use a car seat. Not even a booster. Many sit in the front too.

I insist dd's have a seat if they travel with anyone else, and make other children sit in a seat in my car. You'd think I was a freak the way some people react.

My point is you'll be fighting this battle for a long time. Not sure there's much you can do.

It's definitely not an automatic locking car and the dh works with cars so they should know about child locks.
Their dd rules the roost, no question and they're quite happy to let her. I'm afraid it's one of the things I don't compromise on and I won't go anywhere unless our dd is strapped in. I just can't understand how they're ok with this.
Tbh we are seen as the 'weird' ones for keeping dd ERF until she was 2. They couldn't turn her around fast enough. Friend came back from having her weighed saying "well she's still not bloody big enough (weight wise) but I'm turning her round anyway" and that was from her baby carrier.
I'm probably fighting a losing battle but I can't say nothing. I couldn't forgive myself if anything happened and I'd not tried.

I think you can only go so far. The injuries can be horrific from not strapping a child in properly but they will be aware of this. I not sure what more you can do except give them a list of what can happen or report then to social services or 101.
I work with toddlers who have had severe life changing accidents. It's not the car seats that concern me but the front carrying papooses or whatever they are called. They are just adult airbags. But that's another thread.
I think I would just give them a list of injuries that can be caused. The Houdini strap is excellent and not a bad price either.

Micah that's my experience too dd is 4 and the number on booster cushions . a find has a 2.5 year old ds who is on a booster seat at about 13kg! It's bizarre because on mn people are judgy about forward facing!

At 2.5 (dd is an escape artist of this age) the straps are unlikely to work. But if she does it she gets such a telling off and she can put her own straps back on. Your mate needs to man up, not sure what I'd do but the potential injuries are just horrible

I despair tbh

It infuriates me. Dd1 is 6 and in a high back booster (suitable for her size) but has had friends tease her that she's in a baby seat as most of the kids just have the booster bit if anything at all. I explained to dd that we do long journeys in the car and her seat is safe and comfy. It is really hard to bite my tongue. I recently came across a mum saying her 8mo was ready for forward facing because he hates rear facing. I tried to inform her her baby doesn't have strong enough neck muscles but to no avail. She's intelligent and a nurse

my daughters actually 5 What a mistake to make! My answer is pretty simple she goes in a high backed booster because it's safer and will be in it for a long time to come. I personally think there should be a major crackdown on it. No one ever gets prosecuted do they?

I would really have a go at any friend of mine who did this as then distance myself. They need to learn to parent

it is a driving offence for kids not to be fastened in securely and the driver of the car could be prosecuted especially of her answer to the cops is as flippant as it was to you.

I have a friend who's dd is a few weeks older than mine, they came here for a play date last week and the strap that tightens her straps broke and would only tighten on one side. I basically refused to let her leave as her dd was not safe. luckily we have already bought dd the next stage seat but she isn't using it yet so friend borrowed it. my friend was umming and arrring about whether it would be ok to use the broken seat. in the end she was grateful that I pointed out how stupid the risk was.

tell your friend that you can buy a device that locks over the harness lock that stops kids being able to open it - sorry I can't link on the mobile app