New schools

[FeministStar]

DD is due to start at high school in September, we have two locally. However she has chosen to go to a different school to all of her friends, both are in the same town but it's just coincidence that the other 4 that she is really close to chose the other one. She has known this for some time now but this last two days we have had tears and upset and she has been asking me to email and see if she can get in at the school where her friends are going.
Part of me thinks we should stick with the school that she has chosen and deal with it, knowing that it is most likely that she will make new friends soon but the other part of me knows that friendships are very important to her and wonders whether to see if she can get a place at the other school. When we looked round neither of us liked the other school, hence the reason for our choice.
What would you do?

I would stick with your choice. Friendships change a lot at high school especially in the first year. She could find that she goes to a school just to be with her friends then after 3 months none of them are friends any more. This is natural as they grow up, develop other interests and have a larger group of people in which to find friends. There are countless threads on here about distressed DDs whose friends from primary no longer want to hang out with them or who are fed up with old friends clinging to them and preventing them making new friendships. This is all natural.

It's a hard one to sell to an 11 year old who thinks she will have no friends in her new school but there is a good reason she chose that school. She will make friends although it can take time and her friends will most likely change a few times. But this would probably happen if she goes to the same school as her current friends.

How would she feel if she changes her school just for her friends and then after a month isn't friends with them any more?

Thanks, that was pretty much what I was thinking but I wasn't sure. It's good to see somebody else saying the same thing - thanks.

Something else that might help your dd to stick to her guns. If the school is large then there is a fair chance she won't be with her friends anyway

I think that is part of the problem to be honest, of the group of friends the others are in the same class at the other school. That makes it less likely that they'd have room for another one in that class of course. At the moment the decision is being stuck to, we've had a chat tonight.

Thanks both of you.

All the best it must be hard when they change their minds

Thanks.