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Over reacting or right to be concered about my daughter?

4 replies

Pickles0 · 14/07/2014 18:09

Hi, I'll apologise straight away for the length, I wanted some outside perspective as to whether I'm just being an over protective mum or whether I'm right to be concerned.
My daughter is 22, her boyfriend is 25, they met 7 months ago online, (not that my daughter was actively searching that hard for a boyfriend, she's very independent and has never lacked offers, she was supposedly doing the online thing as more of a laugh) but she met her boyfriend and they were texting constantly for over 3 months before they even met, she was all full of how much they "clicked" and he "got her" etc etc.

Anyway, he lives in rural Ireland and my daughter, son & I in Newcastle, England, three months into all this texting he made the trip here to see her and the rest is history they've been dating ever since.

Because of the distance they've only met in person 4 times prior to this incident, one of those was at his where she met all his family so ive only met the lad on two occasions although he stayed with us both of those times.

That said from what I see he's a lovely boy, comely, an athlete, but one of lifes gentle souls, I confess I didn't think it would last, my daughters quite...fiery and I thought she'd find him too soft in the end, but as long as he treated her well and she was happy It wasn't my place to interfere so I made him welcome and let her get on with it.

Now to the issue, 3 weeks ago our home was broken in to, I work nights and my daughter was in the house alone, thank god they didn't hurt her but they did threaten her while they made there escape and in short I think gave her the fright of her life. She phoned him, he was on one of the first flights over. She admitted to being freaked out staying in the house and he offered for her to stay with him for a little bit.
I have no problem with that shes an adult, I even thought it'd be nice for her. Thing is now its been over 3 weeks and she's shown zero sign of coming home anytime soon, when I ask her when shes coming back she makes an excuse or gets annoyed that we always try and "control her and she can never do right" etc etc which is a load of rubbish.

This has got me worried, sure maybe its the simple explanation everyone keeps giving me, maybe there just loves young dream, she wants to spend time with her boyfriend in the flesh and I'm sure shes loving him treating her like a queen which is exactly what he does.
But I cant help worrying maybe its more than that, like maybe this break in has knocked her for six more than she'd let on in which case I feel like I should be doing more! I'm her mum! This guy as nice as he seems is practically a stranger to her.

Urgh just needed to vent! Am I stressing over nothing?

OP posts:
Namechangearoonie123 · 14/07/2014 18:13

Yes, you are

She's. 22, it's summer, guessing she will come back for work/uni at some point?

Pickles0 · 14/07/2014 18:23

I don't know, she's graduated now, & she's self employed so really she could work from anywhere.

OP posts:
tribpot · 14/07/2014 18:30

I think her reaction seems quite normal. When my house was broken into and set on fire (I wasn't there at the time but basically lost all my possessions) I left the country - I was already working abroad during the week and just felt safer in my remote corner of Sweden with a fire alarm wired to the fire station down the road.

What happened to her was way worse than what happened to me, so I'm not really surprised she feels safer somewhere far away, with some strapping young Irishman to look after her.

I would leave her to it for now, why shouldn't she go and stay there for a while if she wants to? At some point, however, she needs to decide if she's still living in your house. My parents would have had my stuff in the garage if I vacated for 3 weeks aged 22 :) (Not really true, but they were very firm about us flying the nest).

And at some point she does need to face up to the understandable fear of what happened, but give her some time. Plan a visit when things have calmed down!

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IvyBeagle · 15/07/2014 11:39

Would be lovely to visit and meet his family :)

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