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Original poster

Wedding register office before celebrant

21 replies

BaileysOnRocks · 09/07/2014 21:44

We are getting married soon in a venue by a celebrant who will perform our ceremony, although this isn't legal. Therefore, we are going to a registry office 2 days before to do 'the legal part'.

I'm just wondering if anyone has done this before and can offer me any advice or shared experiences.

Emotionally we don't want to see it that we are married until the actual wedding day at the venue but I know that's easy to say.

(Sorry if this is in the wrong bit!)

OP posts:
NoodieRoodie · 09/07/2014 21:48

I've not done this but I've attended quite a few weddings abroad where the couple have been married days before the actual wedding and it doesn't seem to cause any problems. In France only civil weddings are legal so it's normal to be married before you have your wedding (unless you only have a tiny civil ceremony).

Original poster
BaileysOnRocks · 09/07/2014 21:51

Ooh thank you so much!! Not everyone knows the legal part is beforehand but some of the few that do haven't been very nice and said its a fake wedding which has made me nervous about what everyone else will think. They were joking but still..!

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tribpot · 09/07/2014 21:51

Yes, I went to a humanist wedding where the legal bit had been done the day before. The couple did not regard that as their wedding day, though. Basically no-one went to the registry office ceremony, that was something they did privately.

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tribpot · 09/07/2014 21:53

Which bit is the fake, the legal one or the one with the celebrant? Why must people be so bloody rude about things they don't understand?! I would have a sharp word with anyone who told you it was a 'fake wedding'.

Original poster
BaileysOnRocks · 09/07/2014 22:03

They said the celebrant one is fake because it isn't legal.
It was actually my uncle.. He can sit at the back.

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NoodieRoodie · 09/07/2014 22:08

I've even been to one (in Finland) where the couple were married a couple of weeks before in a civil ceremony and the "wedding" was just a lovely party. The bride was in her dress, speeches where made, interpretative dance happpened (they're both very arty) and we all still refer to that as their wedding.

shggg245 · 09/07/2014 22:10

Make it really low key - just the minimum legal ceremony. The registrars will be happy to tone it down to the declaratory and contracting words, sign and go. Don't bother with ring exchange you can save that for your celebratory ceremony.

You can always ask to strangers to be your witnesses this happens frequently. Of course it legally married from that point but the celebratory ceremony is more of a heartfelt emotional event.

Sounds wonderful have a lovely day.

shggg245 · 09/07/2014 22:13

Should read 'You are legally married from that point - damn phone! Sorry.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 09/07/2014 22:18

Isn't this how it is done abroad - with the legal bit done on a separate occasion. Sounds fine to me

No wedding is "legal" without a registrar - we had to book one to attend our Catholic wedding to do the legal bit.

shggg245 · 09/07/2014 22:31

To marry abroad most countries will want a certificate of no impediment issued by registrars in England and Wales.

Some people choose get married here first and have a celebratory ceremony aboard. It makes it easier and I hate to say it simpler when it comes to obtaining a foreign divorce which unfortunately does happen. Not that I'm being pessimistic I'm sure the vast majority live happily ever after! Grin

shggg245 · 09/07/2014 22:34

Again apologies for rubbish sentences, hate this bloody phone. Must try harder and preview posts!

TSSDNCOP · 09/07/2014 22:39

Haven't any experience but you can get married at a registry office just with witnesses you pull off the street.

Who cares what some old uncle thinks. It sounds lovely provided interpretative dance isn't on the radar and if it's what you and your DH to be want well boohockey to the naysayers although once again no interpretive dance.

tribpot · 10/07/2014 07:38

Yep, but anotherplace is right. People marrying in France do a legal bit and then have a ceremonial bit separately, so actually what you're doing is being very chic and European. (Two other things I would imagine your uncle doesn't approve of).

Frankly I'd tell him not to come if he can't see that the wedding is the ceremony of your choice, and/or threaten to put interpretive dance on the schedule.

Original poster
BaileysOnRocks · 10/07/2014 09:54

Haha thank you so much. No dance don't worry!
I have relaxed now from your responses Thanks

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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 11/07/2014 23:20

Yep, we married in May then again in the August. I didn't think we'd feel properly married tbh but we both did. It helped that we married in Chelsea so really nice registry office.

BackforGood · 11/07/2014 23:30

I've been to two or three who have done this, for a variety of reasons. None of my business really - if friends choose to celebrate their union on a different day from the legal bits, there is no doubt some good reason why, and I don't even need to know what it is - it's entirely up to them, and then it's up to the guests to say they don't want to come if they think it's silly or strange - no skin off your nose if someone that odd doesn't attend your celebrations.

catkind · 11/07/2014 23:32

We did the legal bit in the register office the day before the actual wedding. Just wore smart clothes not wedding clothes, no readings or anything but nice music that we chose, no rings. It was fine, just what we wanted. I'd say have something nice planned to do immediately after the register office with your witnesses, and get someone to take photos, while it's not your actual wedding it's still special.

No-one said anything to us, though from things I gathered years down the line I think a couple of older and more traditional members of the family were unimpressed with the arrangements.

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 11/07/2014 23:42

This is what I wanted to do when we got married last year, I'm still kicking myself for arranging it this way! Personally I would have liked to do it separately so that the official bit was private and just for us-some space to actually enjoy the process of getting married. Then the 2nd day to be the big family do (like many people we spent most of our wedding day playing host!)

I say go for it. Anyone who doesn't like what you're doing will get over. You have to do what's right for you and hubby to be - it's your day and your memories x

Original poster
BaileysOnRocks · 12/07/2014 11:24

Thanks a lot. I think it is becoming less unusual, some people don't understand but hopefully they will enjoy the day.

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Heels99 · 12/07/2014 11:31

On the program about the registry office that was on tv this year there was a couple who did this. They had witnesses off the street. They were having their celebrations the next day. They were both surprised how emotional they were at the registry office when it hit them that this was their actual wedding.

Original poster
BaileysOnRocks · 12/07/2014 12:18

My MIL told me about that programme heels. I would like to save my emotions for the day and try not to think I am married until 2 days later.. If I can!

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