Advice for friend after her son wandered into road

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My friend's little one is two years old.

Today he was at his childminders house when he walked out her lane way right into the road and was returned by a passing motorist.

The lane from her house to the country road is quite long, so the little one was unattended for some time to allow him to go that far.

My friend called me after work as she was incredibly annoyed about the incident.

The childminder only told her on pick up and made light of the incident.

As an added bit of info, and so as not to be accused of drip feeding, the childminder is also my friend's SIL.

This has caused her ILs to 'side' with the childminder, say no harm was done & to want to move on.

Friend, understandably doesn't want to cause a rift in the family but also needs to know her child will be safe when she's at work.

My immediate advice & gut feeling is 'screw family, your child needs to come first' which she said she agrees with, but wants to avoid a family row.

WWYD if you were her? Or have you any more advice I can pass on to her?

We discussed how it may have turned out very differently, it's a very busy country lane with a freight yard a few miles up the road, her child could have wandered down a marsh or been picked up by a total stranger. I know he wasn't, but the potential was there.

I'm generally quite laid back, and understand that accidents happen type of person - but this woman is registered as a CM, and twice a small child has escaped and got out into the road ?!?!?

Firstly she has to report the incident to OFSTED (CM should have reported herself, but parent should as it sounds unlikely in this case as if it has been done).
Then look for new childcare.
How would your friend feel if another child got knocked over, or taken, and she'd done nothing to protect the dc, even though she knew her SiL was this lax?

I spoke to friend earlier today, she hadn't heard from SIL/childminder at that time, but said she was going to try to talk to the other mindees mum.

She said she had sent a very calm message to childminder last night as she didn't trust herself to speak to her. She sent me the message & it was basically saying it's nothing personal, we need to put measures in place to ensure this doesn't happen again. She had no reply.

To me that speaks volumes.

Her dh said they need to find another minder, he basically said "just because we get a little bit of discount off our bill doesn't mean she shouldn't give our child 100% attention"

Friend was going to speak to her own parents today as she had only spoken to me last night & my reaction shocked her.

She was upset she hadn't heard from her in-laws earlier today.

Get a new childminder and report to Ofsted. If this happened at a nursery there would be a formal investigation so to be minimising such a serious incident is really not on.

Definitely another cm, and I would have no hesitation in reporting her to OFSTED.

If my child was her next mindee and took an opportunity to wonder off, I'd be furious to find out that this had happened before and gone unreported.

If that's how the DH feels ,its his family ,I would find another CM and I would report . I don't think your friend should speak to the other mum .

So it is her dh's sister? And even he is saying they need another childminder. I thing especially as it is her DH's family, I would let him lead on this one and go with it.

These things happen! Toddlers are little houdinis BUT well there are so many buts...
The deal breaker for me would be the sil downplaying it. If that had been me id have been devastated and mortified and been turning myself inside out to explain what happened and ensure and reassure that it wouldn't happen again. The fact that it was downplayed would suggest that no measures to prevent this happening again will be put in place. So id not be letting my child stay there again.

If it was a registered cm id be calling ofsted and if I found a child that age wandering the streets id be calling social services.

LEM that's exactly what I said to her. Social services would be my first port of call if I had found a child on the road.

Her dh works away a few nights a week, friend's own mum works full time & doesn't live nearby, she lives feet away from in laws & her SIL/childminder. I can see why she will find it difficult to say what she feels like saying as it would have ramifications in other ways.

If I recall rightly, it was pressure from mil that made her leave her child with SIL in first place. This means friction with those who live near her & those who may have minded her child at weekends/appointments (in laws)

I have passed on all advice from here, but don't expect to hear from her again til after the weekend.

Thanks all.

This is why the DH needs to deal with it. It is a problem with his family, he needs to be the bad guy.