Or rather, would you do anything?

[Misspilly88]

I am about to have our first ds, and feeling anxious about my FIL spending time with him as he is a chain smoker. Lovely guy, I'm just so anti smoking, and have never associated with any other smokers before, and I find his smell hard to bear. I find it really difficult to be around him, watching him smoke etc, especially as I know his dd, ds and oh's opinions on it too. I know he will never smoke inside or very close to the baby but he will be a great grandad and I'm just really sad that our baby will come to associate the smell with someone he loves, and worry about the conversations we will have to have about why grandad smokes if it's bad for you. When my parents had me, my dad told my grandma that if she didn't stop smoking then she would never see me. She did stop and is now healthier for it, but I understand that it's fairly unreasonable to do this!

I know some people will think this is really petty, but does anyone have any similar experiences?
My oh was going to have a chat with him at Christmas about it, but bottled it, and whenever I mention it now he changes the subject.

I always associated my Grandpa with the smell of his pipe and St. Bruno's flake (his favourite baccy). I also associate that with the lung cancer that killed him.

It's not unreasonable to ask your FIL to not smoke around your DS, but he's within his rights to refuse of course, just as you are then within your rights to not let him hold DS, as DS will end up smelling of smoke as well

But if your actual concern is your DS associating the smell of smoke with someone they love, I really wouldn't worry about that.

Thanks for your reply. I have lots of issues with the situation tbh, that's one of my concerns. I also hate to think we will all have to watch his health decline due to his choices, as you did with your grandad. :(

Even if your FIL won't smoke in the same room he will still reeks of it, it's in his clothes, breath, fingers, hair....personally I wouldn't allow much contact.
Does he smoke much when you see him?

My parents refuse to not smoke around DCs.

It's horrible when they come home smelly.

But I feel that it would be a disproportionate reaction to ban them. I'm an only so don't have other family.

I thought there was a risk to babies and children being in close contact with someone who had just been smoking? They are still breathing out some of the smoke for a good while after and it also clings to hair and clothes. You can't control what other people choose to do but you definitely can put your baby's health before their feelings.
I grew up with 2 smoking parents and the smell brings back memories of being little (they both quit when my db was diagnosed with asthma) but I have never ever thought it would be a good idea!

Thankyou all for your comments. I would be interested to know about that 3boys, it makes sense that there would still be some fumes lingering afterwards.
Iloveglyfada he does when we are there, however always outside, so every few minutes he's gone and comes back in stinking. I even find this pretty unbearable with my sensitive nose!

I'm sure I read guidelines that you're supposed to leave it at least 30 minutes between finishing a cigarette and holding a baby/ child.

I'd look up the information on smoking and Asthma UK's website.

They recommend washing hands and changing clothes because the most toxic chemicals in cigarettes (which get filtered out for the smoker) remain in the clothing and don't just disappear unless washed.

Third hand smoking is what it's called when you inhale particles from people's clothing. There isn't much research but it is considered a bad idea for babies to spend too much time with people who's clothes smell (if you can smell it, you're inhaling tiny particles... Same with farts )

A friend of mine wouldn't let her heavy smoking mother hold their baby unless she changed her clothes. My sister smokes a lot but as we see her rarely I never bothered talking to her about it. But if we saw her often or for extended periods I'd ask her to change.

It would make sense to speak to your Fil about your concerns and see where that gets you. No point being overly precious though, if it is occasional contact. There are lots of random things that might do harm to a baby and you can't control them all.

What Majestic said.

My PILs were chain smokers when our DS was born, they stopped smoking in their house when we visited them, and eventually gave up after a couple of attempts. We've never allowed smoking in our house either, so they just got fed up of standing in the garden in the rain having a fag!

They've told us that the arrival of DS was the motivation for giving up, after 40 years

Aw that's good news ping pong! I live in hope that he will give up but it's crazy to think that he wouldn't give up for his own children in the first place.
Majestic I will try and bring it up with dh again and maybe we could have a word. I don't want to be too precious, but I do forsee them being really involved in ds life so it wouldn't be occasional.