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about this wedding invitation?

42 replies

dramallamapanorama · 03/06/2014 15:37

To cut a very long story short - a long time ago I shared a house with a girl I originally got on quite well with. For most of the time we knew each other, I was single and she was not; no dramas.

When I met my (now) husband, she was initially quite happy for me - however, when he proposed, it happened that her on-off boyfriend left her and she completely changed - alternately not speaking to me and being very aggressive when she did. Her mother wrote a particularly nasty letter to me at the time accusing me of getting married to spite her daughter and hoping I got divorced - all very odd. I moved out and housemate announced that I was never to darken her door again.

Fast forward 10 years, and suddenly former housemate contacts me out of the blue to invite me to her wedding. She's made no reference to what's gone before, and part of me wants to attend if she is making a genuine attempt at burying the hatchet (not that I know what I did to upset her originally) However, I'm due to run a marathon the next day and it might not be a good idea for me to have a long day out at the wedding.

I'm a bit worried that she might see this as a poor excuse though - DH is convinced that she just wants extra bodies at her wedding and won't actually notice if I'm there or not. (I'm not relishing seeing her mother)

Would it be wrong not to go? Or should I go for the ceremony and go home early? It's about a three-hour drive away so the second option would still be a significant one.

OP posts:
meditrina · 03/06/2014 15:38

Do you actually want to bury the hatchet with her?

MrsLettuce · 03/06/2014 15:40

TBH I'd politely decline mentioning having a prior engagement - no need to give the specifics.

pictish · 03/06/2014 15:40

Hell no! Why on earth would you go??
Do you want to resume the friendship after all these years and all that weird behaviour...the business with her mum and everything.
I wouldn't.

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pictish · 03/06/2014 15:41

Agree - cry off citing a previous engagement.

BitchPeas · 03/06/2014 15:42

Oh my god. Don't go!! She's obviously issued up to th eyeballs, as is her mother.

She either needs extra bodies, or wants to rub your face in it, for some weird reason.

Good luck with your marathon Smile

momb · 03/06/2014 15:42

I'd decline. You won't know anyone else there and a wedding is no place to bury the hatchet as she'll be too busy to talk to you anyway. I think she's after bodies/a gift.
Send a decline note saying you have a prior arrangement but that it's lovely to hear from here and you'd love to meet up when she gets back from honeymoon...and expect never to hear from her again.

StackALee · 03/06/2014 15:42

you don't even need to give a reason.

Just send back an 'unable to attend, have a great day' message.

wafflyversatile · 03/06/2014 15:43

Just decline the invitation.

She obviously just wants you to know that she is getting married.

What an odd woman, very much the daughter of her odd mother.

BOFster · 03/06/2014 15:43

She's not inviting you. She's making sure you know that she is getting married.

I'd politely decline.

wtffgs · 03/06/2014 15:45

Her mother wished divorce on you? Shock

This is a family of loons! Grin

Be glad you have a cast iron reason not to go. Smile

MrsLettuce · 03/06/2014 15:45

(I also suspect she's interested to know if her / her mother's 'curse' on your marriage 'worked')

wafflyversatile · 03/06/2014 15:46

OR, or, accept then the day before say you will have to drop out as you've just found out your DH has been cheating on you for over a year with your mum and has moved in with her. They are all over fb and you are too ashamed to show your face in public.

This will be the bestest present of anything she will get. Make her day truly happy!

FishWithABicycle · 03/06/2014 15:48

I'd send a message saying something along the lines of "really sorry, would have been lovely but I have a prior engagement that weekend and just can't make it. It's great to hear from you though and if you are wanting to bury that hatchet after we parted on not-brilliant terms it would be nice to meet up some time. Perhaps we could have lunch some time in [name of town about half way between where you live and where she lives]."

shoppingfrenzy · 03/06/2014 15:52

A three hour drive to go to a wedding of someone who was aggressive to you, whose mother wrote nasty letters to you, and who hadn't contacted you for the 10 years since? No bloody way! I'd decline. I think, like Waffly, she just wants you to know she's getting married, and her mother probably wants to know whether you are still married. I can hear them talking now about it. [shudder]

OldBagWantsNewBag · 03/06/2014 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wafflyversatile · 03/06/2014 15:56

'I'm sorry I will be unable to attend. My DH is taking me on a month long romantic round the world trip. We intend on renewing our vows in every location, just like we do every year. Best wishes that your marriage is as happy as ours. mwah whah. ''

allisgood1 · 03/06/2014 16:00

There's no way in hell I would go. Invitation in bin, forget it was ever received.

ZenNudist · 03/06/2014 16:07

Go, wear your wedding dress Grin

MrsCosmopilite · 03/06/2014 16:08

I wouldn't bother with her. If you feel a polite response (as opposed to none) is required, simply state that you have a previous engagement.

gamerchick · 03/06/2014 16:10

I would just ignore it completely.

BikeRunSki · 03/06/2014 16:14

"How lovely to hear from you, but I am sorry I already have commitments that weekend."

Do you live clues enough to suggest meeting up one evening/day/weekend after the wedding to catch up?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/06/2014 16:15

You don't have to go to a wedding, even one of a close friend. She's not Henry VIII, you won't be beheaded if you don't show up.

AlpacaLypse · 03/06/2014 16:20

What waffly said - maybe a bit more subtly. I agree, she's not inviting you, she's crowing at you. God knows why but since her mother's obviously batshit it may be inherited bonkersness.

monkeyharris · 03/06/2014 16:44

I wouldn't go either in your situation. Agree with your DH, sounds like she just wants lots of people there to make her look really popular Grin If it is a 3 hour drive there and back and you have a prior commitment the next day to run a marathon, I'd politely decline without giving a reason.

Misspilly88 · 03/06/2014 16:52

I was in exactly the same situation, invited to a wedding of a couple I hadn't seen or spoken to in years. We went, it was realllly awkward and they've not stayed in touch since so they either wanted to show off or just didn't have enough people to invite. So, no,I wouldn't go!

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