I keep getting the gut feeling that I am being undermimed by my future mother-in-law, not in a nasty way, just in a manipulative way which renders me unable to have an opinion.
I am right in the middle of a heavy MSc course, finishing off coursework and about to begin my dissertation. Our upstairs toilet packed up and my fiancé and I bought a new bathroom suite as the whole thing needs re-doing. We were planning on moving so enrolled my parents to help with the re-fit as my dad is a dab hand at plumbing. I was concerned about the timing as my workload is very heavy, but we needed to get it done so I picked a weekend that wouldn't be too painful workwise. Anyway, my in laws got wind of the plans and announced to my mother that they were coming up too for a visit at the same time. My mother tried to get my MIL to just give me a call and ask me first as she is concerned about my workload and having to run around after extra guests whilst trying to help my dad fit the bathroom and do my coursework (my fiancé is hopeless at DIY). So what does my MIL do? She calls my fiancé and asks him to keep it a secret that they are coming up to visit! I think she did this as she knows I would say no, please come another time. My fiancé goes along with it without consulting me!
Unfortunately, I have found all this out by accident. My mum told me that MIL would call us and ask, but she only called my fiancé who didnt tell me anything about it, even when I asked how she was etc. So I know he is keeping it secret from me. I do NOT want them up at this time when we have so much on and what makes matters worse is that she never even asked me and went to her son who doesn't seem to think he should discuss it with me first! I hate being shut out of decisions, but this is what often happens, I just don't get a say in the matter and I'm fed up of it. Plus, my dad doesn't really want more people in the house as he's worried about getting it all done in time which isn't fair to him, but he doesn't want to tell my in laws as he says it's not his place to.
So my real issue is with my fiancé going behind my back and not telling me what is going on. I don't know whether his motivations are good or bad, does he just want them up or does he think it'll be a nice surprise for me? I'm not a huge fan of them, I am polite but that is about it. So I have no idea why he would think this would be a good idea! I am really upset about it and I just don't know how to bring it up with him. I don't want to betray my mother's confidence with my MIL as they are good friends.
I would really appreciate any advice as it's making me sad that I am supposed to be getting married to him and he still shuts me out of decisions like this, which don't seem a big deal in themselves, but mean so much more due to the respect they convey.
Thank you