Abort or not to abort?

[JennyLSunshine]

Hi my DH wants to have another one....we have two lovely DS who have started reception and I am loving it, I work full time and finish in time to pick them up and we spend all evening doing arts/crafts and other things they have done at school. I love doing things for the summer fete and i feel very involved with my children.

I hated the baby years however.....when they were born i hated breastfeeding and every thing about babies, i couldnt stand the noise or the smell or the constant presence of the babies. I could not relate or not want to be with them, my DH became their main parent and my MIL helped. I went back to work after 6 weeks and i couldnt get into it, my doctor said it could be PPD but i wasnt given any medication or support, i just got on with it believing that i would get my maternal feelings back......which i did when they started getting older and i felt able to relate to them more.

I am at a stage now where i am happy and content with my life.....but I have found out I am pregnant (condom tore) and my DH wants us to have it.

He has even offered to take a year off work (he runs a business with his brothers) to look after the baby, he says i dont have to do anything i dont want to do ...but isnt going through a pregnancy i didnt want going against my wishes?

I am dreading the thought of revisiting that time....I feel guilty for having been an absent parent for the twins (but i understand why, I cant stand my brothers babies either) ....but then there is such a stigma around abortion ...feels i am a bad mother either way and either way, i am rejecting a child.

what will u do?

What will be the impact on your relationship by either decision?

My DH has been my best friend and devoted partner since we met at the Bridge of Sighs 10 years ago. He would be upset but he wouldnt risk loosing me, think the thought terrifies him

Could you afford a third child?

Could it be that you found the twins so hard because there were two of them? Double trouble as it were!

You weren't an absent parent before, simply the same as being a working dad whilst the mum is on ML. You don't need to feel guilty. Do you not feel you could go through this again? For definite?

Do you think it was PPD/PND previously? Perhaps this time could be totally different.

I hated the baby year too but am absolutely loving having a reception aged DC who is brilliant fun to be with. we are TTC now - I know if we are successful the baby year will be hell but I feel I can get through it knowing that this is a temporary phase to get through before the real fun starts a couple of years later. for me, it's not about having another baby but having another child and there is a difference.

if it were me, I would definitely take up DH's offer of taking a year off if you can afford it, but nevertheless you are right that he shouldn't force you into anything. if even just getting through 8 more months of pregnancy is anathema to you then you should have absolute veto on that. however, if you love being a mum to older children just remember that the 3yrs+stage lasts a LOT longer than the baby stage so maybe it's worth it??

At what point did you kids turn into human beings for you?
What would it feel like if you fast forwarded to that point? (btw I agree you weren't an absent parent - you just both did the roles that worked best for you)

I feel so your situation but the flippancy of the title is shocking.

Did you not try to get the MAP? If you were thst sure you wanted no more why weren't you using a back up method of contraception.

I'm not anti abortion in any way, but to say "abort or not" like you're trying to decide on a new lipstick is a bit

Maybe ask MNHQ to transfer to relationships?

OP is probably in shock right now......the title of the thread sums the situation up, however emotive others might find it.

The baby years are over so quickly. What you will be doing is not so much having a baby as adding another person to your family. Would you like a larger family? Can you see yourself with another son or daughter?
This is such an important decision. Once made, you can't change your mind, so think on it very carefully.

No don't have an abortion this is your husband's much wanted baby you would be getting rid of.

No don't have an abortion this is your husband's much wanted baby you would be getting rid of.

So the op's feelings don't count? My mother was persuaded to go through with my pregnancy & she didn't want to. She has regretted it her whole life & we have no kind of relationship. We haven't talked for over 20yrs.

I agree that it will have been a lot harder with twins compared to having one baby. I also disliked the baby years, as much I loved them I found it so difficult. Much prefered age 2/3+ and in my experience those first few years absolutely flew by and more so when you have older children too.

If you.go ahead with the.pregnancy it might be worth having a chat to your.midwife about the difficulties you had bonding last time because it could have been pnd last time and she'll be able.to give you advice so that.you're better equipped if.it happens this time. It's not necessarily going to.happen again though. Also, you may not have been suffering from.pnd, just sheer exhaustion. You had newborn twins and went back to work at 6 wks! No mean feat
(And.please don't feel guilty about that).
Good luck.with your decision